Learning to Be a Family

I keep getting e-mails from people asking me when I am going to update the blog, and really I have been wanting to, but sleep time is precious and now that I don't have jet lag those late night updates are just not happening....
So today, I am sacrificing my nap (badly needed) to be able to update.

Uma has been here over a week and a half now, and has been with us since January 2. The change in her has been amazing! She gained 5 pounds and grew and inch since we took her to the embassy doctor! Her eyes, which were dull when we first picked her up, now have the most beautiful sparkle!

She had her first visit with the pediatrician a few years ago. She was given a clean bill of health, and is now, with her sudden weight gain and growth, is in the 40 percentile of her age. The only issue is that she is pretty anemic, which I saw she was in her initial medical reports. So we have to put her on iron drops for the next month. I have been feeding her iron rich foods, which, as long as they are not green, and as long as I can hide them in plain yogurt, she eats willingly. Anything green, she will shake her head "no" vehemently, so that does limit alot of the iron foods, but she will eat spinich pancakes, as long as I dip them first in her yogurt. I should invest in stocks in Pavel's yogurt company for all the yogurt this little girl eats!

She has taken to Adhipen now and calls him, "Da" Last night, she and I came home from my parent's house and as soon as I opened the door, she called, "Da, Hi!" Unfortunately, Adhipen was not there, but he did come home while she took her bath. She will still not stay with him alone if I am not in the room, but today at the park, she let him play with her and chase her. She is truly on her way to becoming a serious "Daddy's girl." :)

Uma responds to her name now. And will smile at passerbys while she sits with me in the park or if we are out somewhere. She still is relatively shy if she is introduced to people directly, but will eventually warm up, and if the person is a woman, she will eventually let them hold her and play with her.

We had our first "play date" the other day. A lovely woman named Alberta, who I met from Peachhead, invited me over to her house to teach me how to put Uma in the carrier in the back. I did learn her technique, though I still need to practice it. I am tempted to simply buy a hard carrier that I can just lift her in and save myself the strife. Anyway, Alberta has two daughters, Mia and Georgia, who is almost Uma's age. They were extremely nice to us, and by the end of the evening, Uma was playing in Alberta's lap, though looking over at me periodically. Letting her play in other's arms is technically against the advice I have been given, but a part of me is torn because I love that she is able to receive love and attention and want her to enjoy it. Well, tomorrow we are going to Ventura to meet with the attachement therapist I have been consulting with, and I will ask her about it.

Uma has also bonded with my mother, and with her 8 year old cousin, Jaredan, who is just wild about her. It is so adorable to watch how he takes care of her, plays with her and tries to teach her. He is so sensitive to her and so observant about her. I want to try to encourage that bond as well. She recognizes my father and smiles at him, but still will not go to him, or any man other than Adhipen for that matter. Maybe that is a good thing that we should try to keep going! It could save us alot of aggravation in her teen years. :)

Each day is a new learning for me, as a mother and a person. This little being is so totally dependent on me, and yet she has her own mind and her own being that she very much wishes to assert at her near 2 years. I am starting to learn to flow with her, predict her needs and figure out how to get along with her. For example, she had been crying and having tantrums before naps, and especially before bed. I tried changing her nap/bed times, skipping naps, and found that she definitely needed the nap, and definitely needed a decently early bed time. The more tired she was, the worse it was.

In my gut, I just don't like the "let them cry themselves to sleep" approach, especially because I am sure she did this alone for many years, and I am not sure that it is at all conducive to attachment. I was not leaving her alone anyway, but this was not the issue. I finally figured out that she needed more of a transition time than I had been giving her, and that was the issue. Now, I turn the lights out (but for our night light) and hold her standing for a while rubbing her back and speaking to her. Then I turn on this musical thing she has in her crib, which I bought from another Peachhead mom, and start acting very interested in it (still standing outside the crib). I start looking and acting surprised that it lights up and plays music. Then she will reach out to be put in bed so she can play with it. Then I come next to her and we roll the balls it has attached to for a while and I point out the sea animals. Then I say in Hindi, "sleep now," and lay down to pretend I am asleep. She, on her own, switches the music on this thing to be the sound of waves, and will play a bit with her stuffed animals. She will then either come lay in my arms, or hold my hand, or tap on my shoulder to cover her. We smile at each other as she lays down, and then she goes to sleep on her own. What a difference this was from the screaming we had just a week ago!

She is learning each day...about the joys of swinging on a swing, the feelings of contentment of having a mommy and daddy hold her and kiss her at the same time, the soft touch of a cat rubbing against her, and so many, many things. And we are learning too, about how to dance together in this life, how to love and respect a little child and how to be loving parents.

I am also learning how not to nag Adhipen too much to get those photos uploaded so I can post some more!