We are traveling to India! We leave on December 28 and will stop in Washington, DC to visit my dear friend Neha, who also adopted from India. She lives in Virginia. She is like a sister to me, and I have not seen her in a year. The tickets were actually less expensive to do it this way. We will then leave from Washington, and are off to India! We are traveling via Air France, have a few hours in Paris, and then arrive in India, January 2 at about 11PM. Hopefully, God willing, we will be with Uma the next day!
I am now running around like mad trying to get everything done!
I will post more updates as they come in!
Dec 6, 2007
Nov 27, 2007
We are going to India!
Well, after several days of not knowing, and a bittersweet Thanksgiving (since Uma was supposed to be home by then), we finally confirmed the news today that the order was given and we have been granted custody!
December 5, the judge is supposed to sign the written order and then it takes about a week or so for the court to scrutinize and copy everything and then the written order is sent to the orphanage where the lawyer there will apply for Uma's passport. We are told that it will be best that we travel sometime after Christmas and so we are now in the process of trying to arrange plane tickets and hotel accommodations for a very busy time to travel! We are praying that we will be able to get it done and travel as close to Christmas as possible.
I will post again once our travel dates are set.
December 5, the judge is supposed to sign the written order and then it takes about a week or so for the court to scrutinize and copy everything and then the written order is sent to the orphanage where the lawyer there will apply for Uma's passport. We are told that it will be best that we travel sometime after Christmas and so we are now in the process of trying to arrange plane tickets and hotel accommodations for a very busy time to travel! We are praying that we will be able to get it done and travel as close to Christmas as possible.
I will post again once our travel dates are set.
Nov 21, 2007
We Don't Know Anything Yet....
Our court hearing was supposed to be November 21 (which was last night, India time).
We eagerly called our agency this morning. He, in turn, immediately called his contact in India. She said that she had heard that the lawyer had called in ill, but did not know if he had sent a replacement or not. So she said that she would try to find out and let our agency know.
Yikes!! :(((((
We eagerly called our agency this morning. He, in turn, immediately called his contact in India. She said that she had heard that the lawyer had called in ill, but did not know if he had sent a replacement or not. So she said that she would try to find out and let our agency know.
Yikes!! :(((((
Oct 19, 2007
Another Angel in Uma Aakriti's Life!
Uma has been blessed with the love of Anne, who has been looking after her and showering her with attention and affection. Today, another angel entered her life, though, thankfully, it only needed to be for a brief encounter. That angel is Dr. Amit Singal.
Dr. Amit (as we have been calling him) left his busy job at government hospital (and Adhipen says that the goverment hosipital MDs are the best because of the numbers of cases they see on a daily basis) which was far from Uma's orphanage to go and examine her on our behalf. He had to go during his working hours, though originally he preferred to go on Sunday, his day off, because the orphanage rules were that he could only go between 9-5 on weekdays. He accomodated to their rules and went yesterday (our last night). He refused to take any payment from us. He felt it was his "duty" because Uma is an orphan and because we are adopting her.
Dr. Amit found Uma Aakriti to be in good health with all milestones met for her age except for speech. He said that to have one milestone unmet was not a concern. He also found her to be malnourished with a protein deficiency. She does not have alopecia (hair loss in patches) but her hair is thin and lacks luster, probably due to being malnourished. Though he did not look at the past medical records, her weight /height was only slightly under the norm for her age, and so he was not concerned about it.
Dr. Amit said that she was responsive to him, smiled and made eye contact and was able to run and even climb the stairs with some help (and even without help when she was determined to go visit Anne as per Anne's last e-mail to us :))
We were very relieved by Dr. Amit's report, and very grateful to him for his kindness and his humanity. He is what I would consider a true healer! We will always consider him one of Uma's angels. :)
Dr. Amit (as we have been calling him) left his busy job at government hospital (and Adhipen says that the goverment hosipital MDs are the best because of the numbers of cases they see on a daily basis) which was far from Uma's orphanage to go and examine her on our behalf. He had to go during his working hours, though originally he preferred to go on Sunday, his day off, because the orphanage rules were that he could only go between 9-5 on weekdays. He accomodated to their rules and went yesterday (our last night). He refused to take any payment from us. He felt it was his "duty" because Uma is an orphan and because we are adopting her.
Dr. Amit found Uma Aakriti to be in good health with all milestones met for her age except for speech. He said that to have one milestone unmet was not a concern. He also found her to be malnourished with a protein deficiency. She does not have alopecia (hair loss in patches) but her hair is thin and lacks luster, probably due to being malnourished. Though he did not look at the past medical records, her weight /height was only slightly under the norm for her age, and so he was not concerned about it.
Dr. Amit said that she was responsive to him, smiled and made eye contact and was able to run and even climb the stairs with some help (and even without help when she was determined to go visit Anne as per Anne's last e-mail to us :))
We were very relieved by Dr. Amit's report, and very grateful to him for his kindness and his humanity. He is what I would consider a true healer! We will always consider him one of Uma's angels. :)
Oct 11, 2007
Life Line Cut! :((((
Yesterday we received a devastating mail from Anne telling us that she no longer would be able to communicate with us. I had told our adoption agency about our concerns regarding Aakriti's emotional health during the time that Aakriti was pulling away from Anne. Since she has Failure to Thrive syndrome, and that can lead to cognitive damage, when she reacted this way towards Anne, we all, including Anne, became extremely worried.
Our agency expressed their concern to the orphanage who in turn got extremely angry at Anne for communicating with us. Apparently she is not supposed to speak to anyone outside of the orphanage about business within the orphanage, including and especially parents. I suppose that this is to keep problems from arising, which can happen when emotions are high (and they are about as high as they can get when you are waiting for your child and are powerless to do anything).
We are extremely sad about it because we were so enjoying the communication, not just because Anne is such a wonderful person, but also because she really was giving us a picture of what our little girl was like.
On Monday, we had received a wonderful mail from Anne telling us that Aakriti was doing well and that she and Anne had been spending alot of time together. Anne told us that Aakriti had gone from her second floor quarters up to the third floor, where Anne's bedroom is, and when Anne opened the door to go out, she was surprised to find our little Aakriti standing there waiting for her! Adhipen and I were so touched by this story. It made our whole day.
There is no doubt that we will miss our correspondence with Anne immensely! I used to leave my computer on at night just so that I could wake up early and check to see if Anne had written. She made our wait somewhat bearable giving us a beautiful light to look forward to, and now we are left in the dark again.
We were planning with Anne to get blankets for every child in the orphanage. We were also going to get each child's name sewn into it, so that he/she would have something that he/she owned by name and could cuddle up with at night. Anne had obtained permission from her superior and we were going to start a campaign whereby everyone we knew could donate one blanket. It would have been fun, and something wonderful to do. Now I do not know how to go about doing it without her. :(((
Really, we are extremely sad. I have tears in my eyes as I write this :(((((
Our agency expressed their concern to the orphanage who in turn got extremely angry at Anne for communicating with us. Apparently she is not supposed to speak to anyone outside of the orphanage about business within the orphanage, including and especially parents. I suppose that this is to keep problems from arising, which can happen when emotions are high (and they are about as high as they can get when you are waiting for your child and are powerless to do anything).
We are extremely sad about it because we were so enjoying the communication, not just because Anne is such a wonderful person, but also because she really was giving us a picture of what our little girl was like.
On Monday, we had received a wonderful mail from Anne telling us that Aakriti was doing well and that she and Anne had been spending alot of time together. Anne told us that Aakriti had gone from her second floor quarters up to the third floor, where Anne's bedroom is, and when Anne opened the door to go out, she was surprised to find our little Aakriti standing there waiting for her! Adhipen and I were so touched by this story. It made our whole day.
There is no doubt that we will miss our correspondence with Anne immensely! I used to leave my computer on at night just so that I could wake up early and check to see if Anne had written. She made our wait somewhat bearable giving us a beautiful light to look forward to, and now we are left in the dark again.
We were planning with Anne to get blankets for every child in the orphanage. We were also going to get each child's name sewn into it, so that he/she would have something that he/she owned by name and could cuddle up with at night. Anne had obtained permission from her superior and we were going to start a campaign whereby everyone we knew could donate one blanket. It would have been fun, and something wonderful to do. Now I do not know how to go about doing it without her. :(((
Really, we are extremely sad. I have tears in my eyes as I write this :(((((
Oct 7, 2007
Getting to Know You....
The children at the orphange are extremely, extremely blessed to have a wonderful person like Anne who is there to love them, play with them and offer them gentleness, kindness and stimulation in the form of playing, loving touch, singing and music. There is no question that she will make a tremendous impact on their lives.
However, she is also a blessing for us as parents. Not only is she providing invaluable attention to our child, but she is a voice for us so that we may get to know our child before we even get to hold her in our arms. Through her mails, I am already getting to know my little girl.
I had written her some questions about Uma Aakriti and from her answers, we can begin to know our child. I will refer to her as Aakriti in this post since that is what she is called now, and that the the name Anne knows her by.
It seems that Aakriti makes alot of eye contact with Anne, both when she is happy and she is sad. When she is feeling happy, she looks at Anne and when Anne looks back, Aakriti gives her a sweet smile.
None of the children have toys of their own. When Anne comes, she takes the toys out to play with them with the children. All of the children like to listen to music and when she plays the radio, Aakriti likes to dance a little to the music. I can only imagine how cute that must look! With no toys to play with on her own, Aakriti has very cleverly made a toy out of a little chair that she moves around and then climbs up on.
When Ann is there, she takes out Legos and all of the children, including Aakriti, really like to play with them. Aakriti especially likes the Lego toys that are animal figures and she holds them and looks at them alot. She also likes to look at what the older children are doing and playing and imitate them. One time, Anne was playing some acrobatic games with an older girl. When she was done, Aakriti came to her, took Anne's hands and placed her feet on Anne's legs just like the older girl had done.
Aakriti loves to have her belly tickled and she loves to be held and danced with. She is definitely in the right family when it comes to dance! There will be no shortage of that for her with me!! :)
Apparently Aakriti also loves chocolate. If she its it on her own, she literally gets it all over herself. A bath in chocolate...hmmmm....definitely something her Uncle Jason would relate to, and unfortunately for me (I am into healthy eating), between her daddy and grammy, confired chocoholics, I think that she will be well taken care of in the chocolate department, at least behind my back!
In addition to tickling, she loves other sensory games like having her neck puffed on (this is what they are playing in the video). And Anne says that Aakriti is really happy when someone talks to her and shows her things. She also likes to play chase with the other children, as long as no one runs her down. She doesn't like that too much, but then who would? :)
If Aakriti gets upset or is sad, Anne sings a song for her to calm her down and it does calm her. I thinks that Aakriti really like music and singing. I bet she will even like Grammy's singing! That is one of the great things about being a grandma. Grammy's grandkids don't realize it when she sings the songs wrong! They just feel the love that she is singing with, and that makes the music for them (for those of you reading who don't know this, Grammy is quite tone deaf).
Though at 18 months, Aakriti is not talking, she does make baby sounds such as "tha, him, de" and so on, so she is trying. Anne feels that alot of the children in the orphanage have developmental delays because they are not getting the love and security of having their own family.
Anne has been speaking English to Aakriti since she knows that Aakriti will be coming to California.
Aakriti knows her name well and responds to it when she is called. So we will very slowly and gently be transitioning her into the name Uma. I just can't imagine how it would be to have your entire world turned upside down, even your name! We will definitely be getting the guidance of a therpist and/or parenting coach to help us make the changes lovingly and sensitively.
She does not have her own bed and sleeps whereever with the other children. I wonder if she has to struggle for a space at times? This, then, will call for sensitivity too. As per Indian tradition, and the parenting style of attachment therapy (as well as advice from other adoptive parents), Aakriti will sleep with us. However, I think that I will also get her her own bed that we will sidecar next to our bed so that she knows that she has her own bed too, if she wants to be there.
Anne was so very kind to take the time to write to us in detail to help us know our daughter. After reading her mail, I had this feeling that I had been starving and she just gave me a satisfying meal. The only problem is that now I am hungry for more!
This truely is for me, the most difficult part of the entire adoption journey. We are so close and yet so far. Thanks to this Divine being Anne, the waiting can be a bit more bearable.
However, she is also a blessing for us as parents. Not only is she providing invaluable attention to our child, but she is a voice for us so that we may get to know our child before we even get to hold her in our arms. Through her mails, I am already getting to know my little girl.
I had written her some questions about Uma Aakriti and from her answers, we can begin to know our child. I will refer to her as Aakriti in this post since that is what she is called now, and that the the name Anne knows her by.
It seems that Aakriti makes alot of eye contact with Anne, both when she is happy and she is sad. When she is feeling happy, she looks at Anne and when Anne looks back, Aakriti gives her a sweet smile.
None of the children have toys of their own. When Anne comes, she takes the toys out to play with them with the children. All of the children like to listen to music and when she plays the radio, Aakriti likes to dance a little to the music. I can only imagine how cute that must look! With no toys to play with on her own, Aakriti has very cleverly made a toy out of a little chair that she moves around and then climbs up on.
When Ann is there, she takes out Legos and all of the children, including Aakriti, really like to play with them. Aakriti especially likes the Lego toys that are animal figures and she holds them and looks at them alot. She also likes to look at what the older children are doing and playing and imitate them. One time, Anne was playing some acrobatic games with an older girl. When she was done, Aakriti came to her, took Anne's hands and placed her feet on Anne's legs just like the older girl had done.
Aakriti loves to have her belly tickled and she loves to be held and danced with. She is definitely in the right family when it comes to dance! There will be no shortage of that for her with me!! :)
Apparently Aakriti also loves chocolate. If she its it on her own, she literally gets it all over herself. A bath in chocolate...hmmmm....definitely something her Uncle Jason would relate to, and unfortunately for me (I am into healthy eating), between her daddy and grammy, confired chocoholics, I think that she will be well taken care of in the chocolate department, at least behind my back!
In addition to tickling, she loves other sensory games like having her neck puffed on (this is what they are playing in the video). And Anne says that Aakriti is really happy when someone talks to her and shows her things. She also likes to play chase with the other children, as long as no one runs her down. She doesn't like that too much, but then who would? :)
If Aakriti gets upset or is sad, Anne sings a song for her to calm her down and it does calm her. I thinks that Aakriti really like music and singing. I bet she will even like Grammy's singing! That is one of the great things about being a grandma. Grammy's grandkids don't realize it when she sings the songs wrong! They just feel the love that she is singing with, and that makes the music for them (for those of you reading who don't know this, Grammy is quite tone deaf).
Though at 18 months, Aakriti is not talking, she does make baby sounds such as "tha, him, de" and so on, so she is trying. Anne feels that alot of the children in the orphanage have developmental delays because they are not getting the love and security of having their own family.
Anne has been speaking English to Aakriti since she knows that Aakriti will be coming to California.
Aakriti knows her name well and responds to it when she is called. So we will very slowly and gently be transitioning her into the name Uma. I just can't imagine how it would be to have your entire world turned upside down, even your name! We will definitely be getting the guidance of a therpist and/or parenting coach to help us make the changes lovingly and sensitively.
She does not have her own bed and sleeps whereever with the other children. I wonder if she has to struggle for a space at times? This, then, will call for sensitivity too. As per Indian tradition, and the parenting style of attachment therapy (as well as advice from other adoptive parents), Aakriti will sleep with us. However, I think that I will also get her her own bed that we will sidecar next to our bed so that she knows that she has her own bed too, if she wants to be there.
Anne was so very kind to take the time to write to us in detail to help us know our daughter. After reading her mail, I had this feeling that I had been starving and she just gave me a satisfying meal. The only problem is that now I am hungry for more!
This truely is for me, the most difficult part of the entire adoption journey. We are so close and yet so far. Thanks to this Divine being Anne, the waiting can be a bit more bearable.
Oct 4, 2007
Doing Our Homework Now
After Adhipen returned from India, we got some mails from Anne reporting that Aakriti's physical and emotional state had worsened. She even began to withdrawn from Anne and would bite and pinch her to get away. Anne was so upset! So were we!
It seems now, that she has calmed down with Anne, and hopefully that will last, but it really pointed out the need for us to do something now with regard to getting more tools on attachment issues with children who have undergone trauma or who have been in institutions.
I have begun to read some books about it, and we are searching out a therapist who can counsel us on how best to approach Aakriti so as not to futher traumatize her by the intense change of leaving the orphanage and coming to the US with us. I found a wonderful website (see the link center) that has been a rich resource for me.
An extremely kind person named Shilpa, has offered to teach me some Hindi words that we can say to Uma to help her feel more comfortable with us in the beginning. So nowI can say a few things in Hindi. :) My dear friend Neha, who speaks mainly Gugarati, said I had a great accent! :) Adhipen could not understand a word, but then he speaks Tamil.
We have decided not to keep calling the lawyer. He is starting to get annoyed with us. Instead, we will just call our adoption agency once a week and pray for progress in the courts. In the meantime, doing this homework to get ready for Uma's homecoming does help.
It seems now, that she has calmed down with Anne, and hopefully that will last, but it really pointed out the need for us to do something now with regard to getting more tools on attachment issues with children who have undergone trauma or who have been in institutions.
I have begun to read some books about it, and we are searching out a therapist who can counsel us on how best to approach Aakriti so as not to futher traumatize her by the intense change of leaving the orphanage and coming to the US with us. I found a wonderful website (see the link center) that has been a rich resource for me.
An extremely kind person named Shilpa, has offered to teach me some Hindi words that we can say to Uma to help her feel more comfortable with us in the beginning. So nowI can say a few things in Hindi. :) My dear friend Neha, who speaks mainly Gugarati, said I had a great accent! :) Adhipen could not understand a word, but then he speaks Tamil.
We have decided not to keep calling the lawyer. He is starting to get annoyed with us. Instead, we will just call our adoption agency once a week and pray for progress in the courts. In the meantime, doing this homework to get ready for Uma's homecoming does help.
Sep 28, 2007
Photo Album!
Adhipen brought back about 40 photos, so now we have our first photo album! I am posting a few here, but it was really hard to decide. The teddy bear I had sent was just not interesting to her, but she really liked the teether I sent for
Uma Aakriti really loved playing with the ball. That is good because Ishana left a great soccer b
all here that we can play with!
Sep 27, 2007
Lots of Love!
After reading my two blogs on Adhipen's trip, alot of people got back to me via e-mail feeling really bad for him! I felt bad for him too, but really was not surprised by Uma's response. I put a post out about it on Ichild (an India adoption yahoo group that I have been a member of for about two years now) and I got an overwhelming amount of responses full of love, reassurances and sharing of similar experiences.
One thing that was really clear from most of the posts is that it is extremely important to allow the child to grieve. The orphanage has been her home. She has attachments there, not to mention her attachment to that being the only life she has known. It is natural and healthy to grieve, and I am expecting that we will go through alot of grief with her. I am already sensing her to be a very sensitive child (and Anne says that she is).
Adhipen said that some people in the orphanage told him that Uma is like this -she cries alot. Anne says that this was not true - that Uma was happy until she got put in with the older children and then she became sad. It is also possible that her response towards Adhipen was not just fear but also, in part, a both a continuation of the grief felt by an abandoned child, as well as the beginning of the grief she will experience at being taken away from the life she has grown comfortable with. They had told her that this was "her daddy." She definitely must have been sensing change with his presence and not really knowing what "daddy" meant, but knowing that he was something to her must have felt confusing and scary.
I wanted to post one of the replies I got to my ichild query. It is short (whereas many were quite long and detailed) but more or less summarizes everyone's experiences. So here it is:
This discussion is bringing back so many memories.... Our daughter screamed for almost an entire day straight when she realized that we were the only ones with her and her foster family was nowhere to be found. I remember telling myself as she was screaming in my ear "this is good, b/c it meansthat she was attached to them." But it was still hard, especially b/c with our first child there was an instant connection. I felt so guilty b/c I did not have that with our daughter. Two years later, we are about as normal as a family with a 4 and 2 year old can be :-) I like how someone called it our birth/delivery...there is pain in that experience, but just like adoption, always worth it.
Kristan
One thing that was really clear from most of the posts is that it is extremely important to allow the child to grieve. The orphanage has been her home. She has attachments there, not to mention her attachment to that being the only life she has known. It is natural and healthy to grieve, and I am expecting that we will go through alot of grief with her. I am already sensing her to be a very sensitive child (and Anne says that she is).
Adhipen said that some people in the orphanage told him that Uma is like this -she cries alot. Anne says that this was not true - that Uma was happy until she got put in with the older children and then she became sad. It is also possible that her response towards Adhipen was not just fear but also, in part, a both a continuation of the grief felt by an abandoned child, as well as the beginning of the grief she will experience at being taken away from the life she has grown comfortable with. They had told her that this was "her daddy." She definitely must have been sensing change with his presence and not really knowing what "daddy" meant, but knowing that he was something to her must have felt confusing and scary.
I wanted to post one of the replies I got to my ichild query. It is short (whereas many were quite long and detailed) but more or less summarizes everyone's experiences. So here it is:
This discussion is bringing back so many memories.... Our daughter screamed for almost an entire day straight when she realized that we were the only ones with her and her foster family was nowhere to be found. I remember telling myself as she was screaming in my ear "this is good, b/c it meansthat she was attached to them." But it was still hard, especially b/c with our first child there was an instant connection. I felt so guilty b/c I did not have that with our daughter. Two years later, we are about as normal as a family with a 4 and 2 year old can be :-) I like how someone called it our birth/delivery...there is pain in that experience, but just like adoption, always worth it.
Kristan
From Auntie Corinne
I spoke to a friend of mine who adopted a boy from a Romanian orphanage at age 3 about 7 years ago. I mentioned what happened with Uma and he assured me that she will be fine just a few months after her arrival. He says they get so distracted by all the attention and colorful toys, etc. that largely their trauma slips away. She might have night mares and some expected frustration and confusion at first, but he says his son adjusted fairly quickly to the new life (also not knowing any English). Ultimately, they feel their son will ALWAYS have a space in his heart that cannot be filled due to his unusual early life experiences (left in cribs for years then put into a big communal room with all aged kids with very little personal attention, etc..), but no more than any child who's been through a major transition in early life like a divorce, a death or a big move away to a new country or whatever. Uma will be won over by all the love and welcoming she will get here and you will probably see that she will be happy here very soon.Having two boys with such unique temperaments, I have learned that things that comfort Jaredan often upset Kanan and vice, versa. Uma might just be a child who gets scared initially around men or new people. But ultimately our nature is to welcome parental love. Nello came into my life after a very traumatic divorce (and my real father took care of me while my mom worked and then was suddenly gone) and won me over right away. However if you speak to my family members, they all remember me as a MAJOR cry baby, scared of everything and very clingy to my babysitters (always wanting to be held and carried around). At the age of 5, my mom said I was suddenly "cured" by becoming a professional child actress and I never cried again until I was 25! So who says what is healthy or not. Children cry for a multitude of reasons and we all need to be prepared for it and accept that any child forced into a new environment will react at first. Remember how Jaredan would cry when you came over when he was a baby 'cuz he knew that meant we were going out? But he now considers you his closest aunt from those experiences even if you recall it being tough to deal with when he cried like that. If a child is emotional and strong willed, they will cry for hours. My belief is that you are saving Uma from a very sad and hard life and bringing her into a very loving family that ANY child would be so lucky to have. Whatever her temperament is, you can only be there for her to soothe her pain and accept her unique style at processing stress, which is all any of us can do for each other.
Sep 21, 2007
Adhipen Sweating Bullets!
Adhipen had his second day with Uma (whom he now refers to only as Aakriti since that is her name right now). Again she cried and cried in his presence. He sat there for hours with her while she cried and cried. When the person who feeds her would come into the room, she would stop and start munching on some cookies that she had in her hand. As soon as the person left, Uma would start to wail again. She would not even accept chocolate from him this time.
At one point I called and as soon as he answered the phone, I could hear her screaming and sobbing. I felt just heart broken for them both! Adhipen said that he literally was sweating bullets! He did not know what to do. I told him just to keep his distance, not try to hold her so as to scare her more, but just stay with her. So this is what he did all day long.
She had her lunch and let him feed her alittle (though mostly cried if he tried) and she did take some chocolate from him after lunch. When she went down for her nap, he took a much needed break, but came back in the afternoon for more of the same.
Then suddenly, as if an angel was appearing, a woman entered. All of the children, including our Aakriti, went running up to her jumping up and pulling on her legs. She was like the pied piper with a woman's face! This woman, Anne, is a student from Denmark and she had come to India to volunteer at the orphanage. She came almost every day after lunch and spent the rest of the day playing with the children and rendering them much needed hugs. She would be there until December, and then planned to go back to Denmark.
Once Anne came, Aakriti was calm and happy. Adhipen even got to see her smile and laugh (and got pictures!). She made lots of eye contact with Anne (we were worried about the lack of eye contact). The rest of the afternoon was blissful for Adhipen, though the baby still was very wary of him.
When the day was over, Adhipen invited Anne to dinner. He called me on the phone so I could speak to her. She spoke perfect English. She told me that Aakriti was the most sensitive child in the orphange. She said that everyday she would worry about Aakriti and what would eventually happen to her. When Anne saw that we were going to adopt her, she was absolutely thrilled! Anne said that when Aakriti was in the baby's ward, she was much happier. Then, as soon as she began to walk, she was moved down with the older children and from there she started to deteriorate. She became extremely sad and has not put on any weight since, though she seems to have a decent appetite. The sadness and the gauntness does show in the 2nd set of pictures we received. We contacted our adoption agency about it and he told us that there was a heat wave at the time the photos were taken and that is why she looked so unhappy. This was probably true, but Anne said that this unhappiness has continued in her since she was moved. Maybe there was someone who she was attached to whom she no longer sees much, or maybe she was given more attention in the other ward, whatever it is, she seems to be slowly going downhill, and so we are really, really praying that we can get her out soon!
It is clear that she will need OT and speech therapy since at 17 months, Anne said that she is only still babbling and has no words at all, even in Hindi. Maybe it is becasuse she has no one to call, "Mama." Whatever it is, our little one is going to need lots and lots of love and care, and Adhipen and I will be ever so happy and grateful to be able to give it to her.
At one point I called and as soon as he answered the phone, I could hear her screaming and sobbing. I felt just heart broken for them both! Adhipen said that he literally was sweating bullets! He did not know what to do. I told him just to keep his distance, not try to hold her so as to scare her more, but just stay with her. So this is what he did all day long.
She had her lunch and let him feed her alittle (though mostly cried if he tried) and she did take some chocolate from him after lunch. When she went down for her nap, he took a much needed break, but came back in the afternoon for more of the same.
Then suddenly, as if an angel was appearing, a woman entered. All of the children, including our Aakriti, went running up to her jumping up and pulling on her legs. She was like the pied piper with a woman's face! This woman, Anne, is a student from Denmark and she had come to India to volunteer at the orphanage. She came almost every day after lunch and spent the rest of the day playing with the children and rendering them much needed hugs. She would be there until December, and then planned to go back to Denmark.
Once Anne came, Aakriti was calm and happy. Adhipen even got to see her smile and laugh (and got pictures!). She made lots of eye contact with Anne (we were worried about the lack of eye contact). The rest of the afternoon was blissful for Adhipen, though the baby still was very wary of him.
When the day was over, Adhipen invited Anne to dinner. He called me on the phone so I could speak to her. She spoke perfect English. She told me that Aakriti was the most sensitive child in the orphange. She said that everyday she would worry about Aakriti and what would eventually happen to her. When Anne saw that we were going to adopt her, she was absolutely thrilled! Anne said that when Aakriti was in the baby's ward, she was much happier. Then, as soon as she began to walk, she was moved down with the older children and from there she started to deteriorate. She became extremely sad and has not put on any weight since, though she seems to have a decent appetite. The sadness and the gauntness does show in the 2nd set of pictures we received. We contacted our adoption agency about it and he told us that there was a heat wave at the time the photos were taken and that is why she looked so unhappy. This was probably true, but Anne said that this unhappiness has continued in her since she was moved. Maybe there was someone who she was attached to whom she no longer sees much, or maybe she was given more attention in the other ward, whatever it is, she seems to be slowly going downhill, and so we are really, really praying that we can get her out soon!
It is clear that she will need OT and speech therapy since at 17 months, Anne said that she is only still babbling and has no words at all, even in Hindi. Maybe it is becasuse she has no one to call, "Mama." Whatever it is, our little one is going to need lots and lots of love and care, and Adhipen and I will be ever so happy and grateful to be able to give it to her.
Sep 19, 2007
Poor Baby!
Adhipen met Uma for the first time yesterday. She literally screamed her head off in fear at the sight of him!
Her caretakers had been telling her that this was her daddy, so she must have been extra wary wondering who this strange man speaking some foreign gibberish actually was. She would not let him near her without a serious fit! He took her out to the garden and she did calm down after a while while he carried her. But she did not respond at all as he showed her the things in the garden and the people from the orphanage shouted out to her from the window, but she did not even turn her head. She just sat frozen.
At one point, he called me on the phone (he was able to rent a cell phone there that can call international - it is great!). She was sitting quietly. However as soon as he started to speak to me in English, she got frightened again and started crying and crying inconsolably. He tried to comfort her, but in English, of course, and this frightened her even more.
The orphanage had them go outside in the hot New Delhi sun for their "getting to know each other time" so she was not even in known territory. Adhipen said that he felt so badly for her. They just sat in silence for over an hour. She made no eye contact or smiled. She did eat her lunch well and she really seemed to like the teething toy that I had sent for her. I had also sent an extremely soft teddy bear, but she was completely disinterested in that. It might as well have been a brick! She did break her ignoring of Adhipen to take some chocolate from him (in that she will fit into the family really well!). He felt guilty giving it to her, but it was a way of connecting.
She is frail and thin as are many children in an orphanage, so after he left, he went to the store and got her some protein drink for children (he had it when he was a child) and some Chavymparash, his favorite ayurvedic remedy (it is an ayurvedic jam that tastes terrible but is amazingly effective) for picking up the immune system and strengthening the digestion. It is the India version of Cod liver oil. I hope in his wildest dreams he does not try to give it to her or she will probably associate him with the terrible tasting jam and be even more afraid! Chocolate will definitely be a better option, though not in terms of providing the health benefits.
He will be going today and plans to spend the whole day there. I will update more later. By the way, according to the orphanage, the court date is set for the 28th, not the 20th. :( Hopefully, Adhipen will be able to contact the lawyer overseeing our case to find out for certain.
On a different note, he is staying at a wonderful Bed and Breakfast. It was about a third of the price of the other hotels in Delhi and it is owned by a wonderful couple who are literally treating him like family. They picked him up at the airport and arranged his cell phone for him (rental is $5 per week). They also got him a car and driver (about $25 per day, everything included)whose sole job is to take Adhipen wherever he wants, whenever he wants and to wait for him when he wants to leave. The meals are home cooked, and Adhipen says that it is some of the best Indian food he has ever had. The owner's wife was actually on channel 4 discussing her cooking! Here is the website: http://www.delhibedandbreakfast.com/
Her caretakers had been telling her that this was her daddy, so she must have been extra wary wondering who this strange man speaking some foreign gibberish actually was. She would not let him near her without a serious fit! He took her out to the garden and she did calm down after a while while he carried her. But she did not respond at all as he showed her the things in the garden and the people from the orphanage shouted out to her from the window, but she did not even turn her head. She just sat frozen.
At one point, he called me on the phone (he was able to rent a cell phone there that can call international - it is great!). She was sitting quietly. However as soon as he started to speak to me in English, she got frightened again and started crying and crying inconsolably. He tried to comfort her, but in English, of course, and this frightened her even more.
The orphanage had them go outside in the hot New Delhi sun for their "getting to know each other time" so she was not even in known territory. Adhipen said that he felt so badly for her. They just sat in silence for over an hour. She made no eye contact or smiled. She did eat her lunch well and she really seemed to like the teething toy that I had sent for her. I had also sent an extremely soft teddy bear, but she was completely disinterested in that. It might as well have been a brick! She did break her ignoring of Adhipen to take some chocolate from him (in that she will fit into the family really well!). He felt guilty giving it to her, but it was a way of connecting.
She is frail and thin as are many children in an orphanage, so after he left, he went to the store and got her some protein drink for children (he had it when he was a child) and some Chavymparash, his favorite ayurvedic remedy (it is an ayurvedic jam that tastes terrible but is amazingly effective) for picking up the immune system and strengthening the digestion. It is the India version of Cod liver oil. I hope in his wildest dreams he does not try to give it to her or she will probably associate him with the terrible tasting jam and be even more afraid! Chocolate will definitely be a better option, though not in terms of providing the health benefits.
He will be going today and plans to spend the whole day there. I will update more later. By the way, according to the orphanage, the court date is set for the 28th, not the 20th. :( Hopefully, Adhipen will be able to contact the lawyer overseeing our case to find out for certain.
On a different note, he is staying at a wonderful Bed and Breakfast. It was about a third of the price of the other hotels in Delhi and it is owned by a wonderful couple who are literally treating him like family. They picked him up at the airport and arranged his cell phone for him (rental is $5 per week). They also got him a car and driver (about $25 per day, everything included)whose sole job is to take Adhipen wherever he wants, whenever he wants and to wait for him when he wants to leave. The meals are home cooked, and Adhipen says that it is some of the best Indian food he has ever had. The owner's wife was actually on channel 4 discussing her cooking! Here is the website: http://www.delhibedandbreakfast.com/
Sep 17, 2007
Adhipen leaves for New Delhi today!!
Adhipen is leaving for New Delhi tonight. He will be arriving on Wednesday morning, so hopefully by Wednesday afternoon, he will be with Uma ("inshallah." as he and I always say. No, we are not going to pick her up yet. He is going just to meet her for the first time, and to make sure all is well with her (and also to take alot of pictures!).
Our court date is set for September 20. He will not be attending the hearing unless otherwise advised by our lawyer. However, he will hopefully be there to know the results of our hearing.
It will be an extremely hectic trip for him because he will only be in Delhi for two days. Then he has to travel to Coimbitore, the place of his birth, because unfortunately, his grandmother died (we just found out yesterday :)) and he wants to connect with his family.
He then flies back to Delhi for one more day with Uma, and then on Sunday he leaves for London, which is where his plan stops before heading to LA. He, however, will stay in London until Tuesday because one of his dear friends is very ill (we just found out last week) and so he wants to spend some time with him.
He comes back (inshallah!) on Tuesday night. All in all, this fast paced, emotionally intense trip will be 9 days.
I am extremely excited that he will be connecting with Uma for the first time.
I am praying that all goes smoothly!
Our court date is set for September 20. He will not be attending the hearing unless otherwise advised by our lawyer. However, he will hopefully be there to know the results of our hearing.
It will be an extremely hectic trip for him because he will only be in Delhi for two days. Then he has to travel to Coimbitore, the place of his birth, because unfortunately, his grandmother died (we just found out yesterday :)) and he wants to connect with his family.
He then flies back to Delhi for one more day with Uma, and then on Sunday he leaves for London, which is where his plan stops before heading to LA. He, however, will stay in London until Tuesday because one of his dear friends is very ill (we just found out last week) and so he wants to spend some time with him.
He comes back (inshallah!) on Tuesday night. All in all, this fast paced, emotionally intense trip will be 9 days.
I am extremely excited that he will be connecting with Uma for the first time.
I am praying that all goes smoothly!
Sep 7, 2007
Good Advice!
On the ichild yahoo board (it is an India adoption yahoo group) someone asked a question about what to do when the children come home. Boy, was this great timing! I wanted to post some of the replies as they constitued excellent advice.
From Mary Lynn in PA:
My daughter, who started second grade on Tuesday, came to me at 20 months. We are remarkably okay given all the things I did less than well and sometimes downright wrongly at the beginning, the number of realities it took us months and years to figure out (intestinal infection, food allergies and AD/HD) and the many ways in which I am not the saint I remember my own mother being.I believe that if you have no regrets than you haven't really lived. Here's my list of things I would have done differently at the start with my daughter:--I would have been more open to letting my daughter sleep in my bed or at least my bedroom sooner. I spent a long time fighting it which could have been spent sleeping. Of course, we are now trying to get her out of our bed, but still I regret more the time I wasted torturing her and me by resisting letting her sleep with me.--I would take better care of myself and ask people for help more often. I was single and working and needed more sleep than I got for the first 2 years of parenthood. As silly as it would have seemed, asking my sister, my boyfriend (now husband) or a friend to take my daughter for a few hours every now and then so that I could take a nap would have been a smart thing to do.--Find a local adoption support group. I didn't do this and wish I had. Moms need other moms to talk with, and other adoptive moms can help you deal with, or at least wallow along with you in, the "is it an adoption issue or something else?" game. It takes a village to keep a mother sane.--I would have encouraged my daughter to take a bottle from me. Despite everything I'd read about attachment, bottle-feeding seemed silly to me at the time because she was so skilled with a cup. Now that I've had the experience of nursing my son (2 years old tomorrow!), I understand what she missed out on. I couldn't have compensated completely, but bottle-feeding would have been the next best thing and would have been a source of bonding and comfort for us both. It probably would have taken some patience and persistence to get her to go for it in the beginning, but I do so wish that I had made the attempt.--Practice forgiveness. For yourself and your child. You are going to make mistakes. It's okay. Moms wing it practically every minute of every day. There are no how-to instructions. Your child is probably going to fling some abuse at you, and it's really hard in the moment not to take it personally. Especially when you haven't slept well in weeks. Forgive her. As Lori said, try to look at it from her perspective. Your entire world has been changed overnight and you are trying to deal with it with a brain that is nearly two decades away from being fully developed. Put little notes to yourself around the house that remind you to remember that.--Err on the side of indulgence and take it slow when it comes to discipline. I was very worried at first about establishing my authority and 'starting as I intended to go on" and I caused myself and my daughter a lot of unnecessary grief because of it. A lot of house rules will just have to wait until you and she and the rest of the family are on solid footing as a family unit. You can't ask her to buy into the family rules until she's bought into the idea that she is part of the family.As for adjustment period, another adoptive mom said this...or something like it... to me right before my daughter came home: "Six weeks of hell, six months of purgatory and then you have the hope of heaven." Incredibly, that was pretty much right on the mark for us.Despite this list of regrets, there is one thing that I don't regret at all and that is adopting my daughter no matter what challenges we have faced or will face in the future. Raising her is one of the great joys and blessings of my life. The most amazing gift.Good luck! Keep us posted. --Mary Lynn in PAAt
From Lori:
Bringing a toddler into your home is an adventure!!! Here's a child whose never lived in a household, has no English skills, but can run and climb and knows what s/he wants--even if you don't!!I would strongly recommend reading as much on attachment as you can. Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft is a valuable read, as is Deborah Gray's Attaching in Adoption. There's a few websites--attachchina, I believe, that are really good too.Be prepared for grieving, tantrums, sleep issues, food issues, etc., etc. Also, please try to put yourself in the shoes of your newly-home toddler. This child must feel kidnapped. Everything s/he has known has been ripped away. Nothing looks the same, smells the same, tastes the same...And a toddler doesn't have the brain development/language development to understand what has happened to him/her.They need a lot of TLC and a lot of grace. Also remember, this stage isn't forever. Most folks realize at around 3 mos. home that things are much calmer, then at 6 mos. realize that things are much calmer than they were at 3 mos., etc., etc.Good luck with it. It really is such a delight to watch a child who had nothing discover there's a whole world out there.
Best,Lori
From Maureen:
We brought our daughter home from India when she was 2 1/2 yrs old.? She is now14 and a freshman in high school~!? WoW! This time has gone by rather quickly.I remember making idlis for her in an idli steamer I purchased on Devon St. (Gandhi Marg)in Chicago for her first morning in her new home.? She looked at me and exclaimed,"Amma, idlis!"One thing to remember is that toddlers can have a lot of energy and want to do it allin a day... so when they nap, it's a good idea to go down for a nap too.? We had lotsof finger foods for snacks available.? At this age, they like to determine what they eat,so having choices makes it a lot easier to manage.? We were also very fortunate to have a group of Telugu people who worked at a nearby church.We went to a performance of?Telugu dancers.? Many of the younger children were runningaround chasing each other... while our daughter sat glued to her chair, watching withfascination the intricate dancing!? I made a mental note to sign her up for dance at thefirst opportunity.? She loved her first movement class, and after that we signed her up fora toddler tumbling class.? Then she moved on to ballet and Kathak (classical Indian dance).And by age 9, she determined that she wanted to do ballet, jazz, and modern.? She nowdances in a local dance ensemble that gives her a lot of satisfaction and joy.? Mostly, we just had a lot of books around, went to the library and bookstores in the areaand hung out with a lot of neighborhood kids.? Still, you want watch them the first severalweeks (keeping that time as your own),?making certain that you keep to routine (if they are used to the morning AND afternoon naps--keep those in place!)? Don't worry about offending friends and family who want to interact right away.? The most important thing is to get good rest with naps and keep bedtimeroutines?on schedule.? The ayas for our daughter told us to follow up the bath with an oilrub down.? That sure worked wonders in keeping her relaxed and in a slumber mode forbed time.? The other thing we did was to get her a soft doll from Target, that she namedHannah.? She slept with Hannah and had someone to "comfort" when she was transitioninginto bedtime routine.Best of luck!? and Keep us posted!
MaureenAmma to the 14 yr old Suvarna
From Mary Lynn in PA:
My daughter, who started second grade on Tuesday, came to me at 20 months. We are remarkably okay given all the things I did less than well and sometimes downright wrongly at the beginning, the number of realities it took us months and years to figure out (intestinal infection, food allergies and AD/HD) and the many ways in which I am not the saint I remember my own mother being.I believe that if you have no regrets than you haven't really lived. Here's my list of things I would have done differently at the start with my daughter:--I would have been more open to letting my daughter sleep in my bed or at least my bedroom sooner. I spent a long time fighting it which could have been spent sleeping. Of course, we are now trying to get her out of our bed, but still I regret more the time I wasted torturing her and me by resisting letting her sleep with me.--I would take better care of myself and ask people for help more often. I was single and working and needed more sleep than I got for the first 2 years of parenthood. As silly as it would have seemed, asking my sister, my boyfriend (now husband) or a friend to take my daughter for a few hours every now and then so that I could take a nap would have been a smart thing to do.--Find a local adoption support group. I didn't do this and wish I had. Moms need other moms to talk with, and other adoptive moms can help you deal with, or at least wallow along with you in, the "is it an adoption issue or something else?" game. It takes a village to keep a mother sane.--I would have encouraged my daughter to take a bottle from me. Despite everything I'd read about attachment, bottle-feeding seemed silly to me at the time because she was so skilled with a cup. Now that I've had the experience of nursing my son (2 years old tomorrow!), I understand what she missed out on. I couldn't have compensated completely, but bottle-feeding would have been the next best thing and would have been a source of bonding and comfort for us both. It probably would have taken some patience and persistence to get her to go for it in the beginning, but I do so wish that I had made the attempt.--Practice forgiveness. For yourself and your child. You are going to make mistakes. It's okay. Moms wing it practically every minute of every day. There are no how-to instructions. Your child is probably going to fling some abuse at you, and it's really hard in the moment not to take it personally. Especially when you haven't slept well in weeks. Forgive her. As Lori said, try to look at it from her perspective. Your entire world has been changed overnight and you are trying to deal with it with a brain that is nearly two decades away from being fully developed. Put little notes to yourself around the house that remind you to remember that.--Err on the side of indulgence and take it slow when it comes to discipline. I was very worried at first about establishing my authority and 'starting as I intended to go on" and I caused myself and my daughter a lot of unnecessary grief because of it. A lot of house rules will just have to wait until you and she and the rest of the family are on solid footing as a family unit. You can't ask her to buy into the family rules until she's bought into the idea that she is part of the family.As for adjustment period, another adoptive mom said this...or something like it... to me right before my daughter came home: "Six weeks of hell, six months of purgatory and then you have the hope of heaven." Incredibly, that was pretty much right on the mark for us.Despite this list of regrets, there is one thing that I don't regret at all and that is adopting my daughter no matter what challenges we have faced or will face in the future. Raising her is one of the great joys and blessings of my life. The most amazing gift.Good luck! Keep us posted. --Mary Lynn in PAAt
From Lori:
Bringing a toddler into your home is an adventure!!! Here's a child whose never lived in a household, has no English skills, but can run and climb and knows what s/he wants--even if you don't!!I would strongly recommend reading as much on attachment as you can. Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft is a valuable read, as is Deborah Gray's Attaching in Adoption. There's a few websites--attachchina, I believe, that are really good too.Be prepared for grieving, tantrums, sleep issues, food issues, etc., etc. Also, please try to put yourself in the shoes of your newly-home toddler. This child must feel kidnapped. Everything s/he has known has been ripped away. Nothing looks the same, smells the same, tastes the same...And a toddler doesn't have the brain development/language development to understand what has happened to him/her.They need a lot of TLC and a lot of grace. Also remember, this stage isn't forever. Most folks realize at around 3 mos. home that things are much calmer, then at 6 mos. realize that things are much calmer than they were at 3 mos., etc., etc.Good luck with it. It really is such a delight to watch a child who had nothing discover there's a whole world out there.
Best,Lori
From Maureen:
We brought our daughter home from India when she was 2 1/2 yrs old.? She is now14 and a freshman in high school~!? WoW! This time has gone by rather quickly.I remember making idlis for her in an idli steamer I purchased on Devon St. (Gandhi Marg)in Chicago for her first morning in her new home.? She looked at me and exclaimed,"Amma, idlis!"One thing to remember is that toddlers can have a lot of energy and want to do it allin a day... so when they nap, it's a good idea to go down for a nap too.? We had lotsof finger foods for snacks available.? At this age, they like to determine what they eat,so having choices makes it a lot easier to manage.? We were also very fortunate to have a group of Telugu people who worked at a nearby church.We went to a performance of?Telugu dancers.? Many of the younger children were runningaround chasing each other... while our daughter sat glued to her chair, watching withfascination the intricate dancing!? I made a mental note to sign her up for dance at thefirst opportunity.? She loved her first movement class, and after that we signed her up fora toddler tumbling class.? Then she moved on to ballet and Kathak (classical Indian dance).And by age 9, she determined that she wanted to do ballet, jazz, and modern.? She nowdances in a local dance ensemble that gives her a lot of satisfaction and joy.? Mostly, we just had a lot of books around, went to the library and bookstores in the areaand hung out with a lot of neighborhood kids.? Still, you want watch them the first severalweeks (keeping that time as your own),?making certain that you keep to routine (if they are used to the morning AND afternoon naps--keep those in place!)? Don't worry about offending friends and family who want to interact right away.? The most important thing is to get good rest with naps and keep bedtimeroutines?on schedule.? The ayas for our daughter told us to follow up the bath with an oilrub down.? That sure worked wonders in keeping her relaxed and in a slumber mode forbed time.? The other thing we did was to get her a soft doll from Target, that she namedHannah.? She slept with Hannah and had someone to "comfort" when she was transitioninginto bedtime routine.Best of luck!? and Keep us posted!
MaureenAmma to the 14 yr old Suvarna
Court Date Set!!
Our court hearing has been set for September 20. In this hearing, the judge will either grant us guardianship, or not. If we are granted guardianship, Uma will be ours and we will be able to go pick her up in about a month (India takes that long to release the children).
Before you get too excited, it is possible that the judge will postpone hearing the case (this happened to several friends of mine) or he/she could request more paperwork (a common happening) or s/he could even insist that the parents come (this also happened to a friend of mine). Our case is being heard by a new judge and so our agency cannot even tell us what is likely to occur because this will be the first time this judge hears any of their cases (or anyone else's for that matter). Anyway, it could go either way, so the best thing we (and you, if you would!) could do is pray!!
If all goes smoothly, Uma will be here sooner than we realized!
Adhipen is planning on going to go to New Delhi to see her on Sept. 19. Our adoption agent says it is probably best that he not show up in court, so he will likely just go to meet Uma for the first time and get to know everyone involved (and take lots of pictures, of course!).
Anyway, prayers are defintely in order! Please send them our way!!
Before you get too excited, it is possible that the judge will postpone hearing the case (this happened to several friends of mine) or he/she could request more paperwork (a common happening) or s/he could even insist that the parents come (this also happened to a friend of mine). Our case is being heard by a new judge and so our agency cannot even tell us what is likely to occur because this will be the first time this judge hears any of their cases (or anyone else's for that matter). Anyway, it could go either way, so the best thing we (and you, if you would!) could do is pray!!
If all goes smoothly, Uma will be here sooner than we realized!
Adhipen is planning on going to go to New Delhi to see her on Sept. 19. Our adoption agent says it is probably best that he not show up in court, so he will likely just go to meet Uma for the first time and get to know everyone involved (and take lots of pictures, of course!).
Anyway, prayers are defintely in order! Please send them our way!!
Ishana
Ishana was here for a month this summer!! It had been two years since we had seen her as her mother had not been willing to send her.
Finally she came this summer and with a new agreement in place, we are hoping to see her twice a year now.
You could not have seen a happier daddy than Adhipen to be reunited with his little girl again!
Ishana was extremely excited about Uma. In every conversation about family, she brought in Uma's name and presence. She is going to make a wonderful big sister!
The highlights of Ishana's trip were, of course, her trip to San Jose to be with her grandparents and Malar Ate's family, Disneyland and lots and lots of movies! I think I saw every child's movie that was out this summer. Both Ishana and my favorite was Pixar's new movie "Ratatouille." We both love rats and this was a movie about rats, so what can you expect?
Ishana is very physical and likes to play in the park. She especially loves a park with good monkey bars! If the monkey bars stink, the park stinks. So there you have it! She is extremely coordinated and at the same time, graceful. She learned to ice skate, which she absolutely loved! If it were up to Ishana, she would have been on the ice the entire trip! She had private lessons and her teacher told me that the was quite advanced in her skills. She bought her own pair of ice skates with the money her father had given her for her first communion, which she had this year.
Ishana also started her own business. Yes, that's right, she is a true entrepreneur, like her dad. Her aunt, Malar, taught her how to make beaded necklaces and earrings and Ishana saw that these could be made fairly quickly and easily, and she has a great eye. Seeing her interest, Malar bought her a beading kit of her own, and after that Ishana sat down and started making jewelry and she was able to sell it. One time she came to my office and while I was working, she got so many orders from my co-workers that it took her the whole day to make the jewelry! Adhipen had business cards made (which Ishana designed on the computer), and the business was born: Jewelry by Ishana.
Now, Ishana and I had taken a crochet class together but the crochet fell a bit by the wayside with the instant gratification of jewelry making, but Ishana has now found her craft and her business niche! I, on the other hand, am loving the crochet and am working on an afghan for Ishana.
Ishana has a love/hate relationship with sharks. She is absolutely terrified of them, to the point that she does not even feel completely comfortable in a swimming pool let alone the ocean. In a pool she has to keep reminding herself that sharks cannot get in there, or she just can't even swim with ease. At the same time, she has studied them and knows quite a bit about them. On e-bay, we bought some sharks teeth, a great white tooth necklace, and an ancient shark tooth, from a Megladon, which literally fit her entire hand. This tooth was her pride and joy and she liked to carry it everywhere she went and show it to people and explain to them about the Megladon. She edcuated quite a few people, including Adhipen and me, on this ancient being.
We had one sad thing happen which was that Ishana's (and our) pet rat Suzy died. We had bought Suzy as a little baby rat when Ishana was here two years ago. At that time, Ishana carried Suzy with her everywhere and the two of them were as bonded as a girl and her dog would be. About a year ago, Suzy began to develop tumors (which the vet says is the most common cause of death in rats) and they kept growing and growing. They were fairly large by the time Ishana came this summer. One night, as Ishana put Suzy back in the cage, the rat ran up to her and stuck her nose out. Ishana came to her and kissed her and said, "Goodbye." I got this eery feeling that Suzy would die that night, and she did. It was really as if she had waited for Ishana to come back so they could have some together time, before she did. Ishana and I buried her in our garden. It was the first pet that Ishana has lost. She was glad, however, that she got to be with Suzy more time before she passed. I also was very attached to Suzy and I was also so very glad that she had waited for Ishana.
Ishana is a naturally spiritual, extremely intelligent beautiful and deep soul. I feel like I have known and loved her all of my life. Our summer was so very blessed that she was here with us. It made the wait for Uma so much more bearable.
Next summer, we are all praying, Uma will be here to know her wonderful big sister!
Jul 29, 2007
My Sweet Little Sister
my sweet little sister
I am here waiting for you ! I won't see you when you come but I will come in the summer and we can be together! When is it your birthday? I am planning to make a blanket for you and it is crocheted by me. What would you like as your birthday present? Maybe I will surprise you. I have already got a very small surprise for you and its my favorite color. You will find it when you come here.
love you a lot
your big sister.......ishana
I am here waiting for you ! I won't see you when you come but I will come in the summer and we can be together! When is it your birthday? I am planning to make a blanket for you and it is crocheted by me. What would you like as your birthday present? Maybe I will surprise you. I have already got a very small surprise for you and its my favorite color. You will find it when you come here.
love you a lot
your big sister.......ishana
Jul 18, 2007
From Corinne
I feel we prepare for her arrival all the time. Today for example, we packed up a bin of great items for her that Jaredan and Kanan enjoyed very much at the age of 2 - 5. (even the very potty seats that they learned to go "big kid" potty are in there!). I am also going to bring my "prized" glider rocking chair over to "Gaga's" house today to save for you to rock Uma in your arms to sleep, the way I rocked both of my boys until that age of 4. I have not wanted to give the chair away even though we cannot fit it in out home because it means so much to me as a representation of all the many hours I spent in it with each boy in the middle of many nights! I so badly wanted to keep that chair in the family for some reason (and your mom gave it to us at my shower for Jaredan). So, today I am bringing it to the toy room at your parent's house and I hope it will make it to Uma's bedroom when she gets here.
I picture the three of you moving to a larger home in the next year or two so that is also part of my "vision" for the Bose family soon after Uma's arrival. Preparing for a child's arrival, no matter what form it takes is a very personal journey for each member of the family. Everyone will handle it in their own way, just as they will have their own unique relationship with your daughter. I am personally so excited to "give back" in the way of baby sitting or what ever when she comes since you were so helpful to me when Jaredan arrived into our lives. The timing could not be more perfect for me. As my boys spend more time in school, I will have more time to be an "aunt", something I have not been able to do as I have been so busy with my own young children. And of course, a girl! She will be such an exciting addition to our family and offer much needed balance to all the "boy" energy.
This is going to be so much fun for us all!
Got to go feed my hungry boys lunch. They are ALWASY hungry!
I picture the three of you moving to a larger home in the next year or two so that is also part of my "vision" for the Bose family soon after Uma's arrival. Preparing for a child's arrival, no matter what form it takes is a very personal journey for each member of the family. Everyone will handle it in their own way, just as they will have their own unique relationship with your daughter. I am personally so excited to "give back" in the way of baby sitting or what ever when she comes since you were so helpful to me when Jaredan arrived into our lives. The timing could not be more perfect for me. As my boys spend more time in school, I will have more time to be an "aunt", something I have not been able to do as I have been so busy with my own young children. And of course, a girl! She will be such an exciting addition to our family and offer much needed balance to all the "boy" energy.
This is going to be so much fun for us all!
Got to go feed my hungry boys lunch. They are ALWASY hungry!
Jul 16, 2007
Cousin Jaredan!
Hello Uma,
I look forward to teaching you English and getting to know you. We have some things for you, also. I hope you will enjoy living in Los Angeles, California. See you by Thanksgiving.
Goodbye,
Jaredan
I look forward to teaching you English and getting to know you. We have some things for you, also. I hope you will enjoy living in Los Angeles, California. See you by Thanksgiving.
Goodbye,
Jaredan
Jul 13, 2007
Cousins!
Cousins, cousins, cousins! Now I have 5 cousins that live in Los Angeles and when you come, I will have 6 sweet cousins. Cuz I have cousins :) I am lucky! The two sisters are you and Ishana, and the two brothers are Kanan and Jaredan and the other two brothers are Michael and Jason. That adds up to 6 cuz, cuz, cousins! :)
Oh, I forgot! My name is Aidan. I live waaay up in Palo Alto, far from here. I am 8 years old, just like Jaredan and Jason. The oldest cousin is Michael, 10 years old. The youngest is YOU!! :) The one, or should I say the two, other cousins I didn't mention are Kanan, who is four years old, and your sister, Ishana, who is nine. Good luck, great luck, I mean, happy, happy luck! :)
love,
Your cousin Aidan
PS You'll be happy with your pets. :) I wish I had pets!
Oh, I forgot! My name is Aidan. I live waaay up in Palo Alto, far from here. I am 8 years old, just like Jaredan and Jason. The oldest cousin is Michael, 10 years old. The youngest is YOU!! :) The one, or should I say the two, other cousins I didn't mention are Kanan, who is four years old, and your sister, Ishana, who is nine. Good luck, great luck, I mean, happy, happy luck! :)
love,
Your cousin Aidan
PS You'll be happy with your pets. :) I wish I had pets!
Jul 12, 2007
New Legisation Regarding Adoption in India
New legilation was passed regarding adoption in India. It seems to make it so that adopting a child in India will be easier and faster. The change was initiated because Angela Joli and Brad Pit had gone to India to consider adopting from there, but were discouraged by all of the loops and long waits. This made some of the legislators open their eyes about streamlining the process. There are so many children, like our Uma, who are sitting in orphanages longer than they need to just because of red tape.
In terms of international adoption, the change seems fantastic in terms of being able to get a referral more quickly and for the children, those who "happen" not to be at orphanages with relationships with foreign agencies, it could mean a chance at a home
On a personal level, I tend to cringe at change. I am not sure how the new legislation will effect us since we have already done the bulk of our waiting (hopefully) though maybe it will allow us to adopt Uma in India itself rather than waiting until we get here. On the other hand, being at the tail end of our process could possibly mean more delays while things iron and straighten out. Who knows!?
Anyway, prayers are in order....so that the new legistation does make a positive difference in the lives of many children and their prospective families, and for us it either speeds things up, or makes the process easier, or at least doesn't make it delayed.
Below is an article which briefly explains the changes forthcoming.
CARA PROPOSES AMENDMENTS IN ADOPTION GUIDELINES
________________________________________
11:5 IST
Central Adoption Resource Agency (CARA), an autonomous body under the
Ministry of Women & Child Development has proposed amendments in guidelines
on adoption of Indian children without Parental Care. The draft of the
amended guidelines was submitted to Smt. Renuka Chowdhury, Minister for
Women and Child Development by Shri J.K. Mittal, Chairman, CARA here today.
Briefing about the salient feature of the guidelines, the Minister said
these would bring more transparency, accountability and streamlined the
adoption procedure. According to the proposed amendments, now the State
Governments shall register all CCIs (Child Care Institutions) in the State.
Cases of all orphan, abandoned and surrendered children shall be processed
as per Juvenile Justice Amendment Act, 2006, which will automatically see
more adoptions. The Act shall be applicable both in domestic and foreign
adoption in case of all children in need of care and protection (orphan,
abandoned and surrendered). In the case of inter-country adoption, children
leaving with adoption orders and conformity certificate from CARA shall
acquire automatic citizenship/nationality and enjoy more safeguards.
Single window system will be followed in case of sourcing of children for
inter-country adoption. All abandoned and surrendered children will now be
committed to adoption agencies and shall be declared legally free for
adoption by CWC after following due procedure.
Prospective adopters would be able to adopt a child from any part of the
country from registered agency. No child adoption agency can deny
registration of such Prospective Parents. For example, a couple from Kerala
working in North East can adopt without any hassle.
All applications for foreign adoptions shall be received at CARA for advance
approval. If foreign agencies/Central authorities have given a choice of a
particular Indian agency, it will be considered as far as possible,
otherwise CARA shall direct foreign agencies/central authorities to transmit
their proposal to such placed where more children are available for
inter-country adoption. This process will minimize the waiting period of
foreign parents and children in the institutions as well.
The draft guidelines will be circulated to the all concerned agencies and
put on with the website for comments so that it can be given the final shape
after a month.
NCJ/DT
http://pib.nic.in/release/release.asp?relid=29102
In terms of international adoption, the change seems fantastic in terms of being able to get a referral more quickly and for the children, those who "happen" not to be at orphanages with relationships with foreign agencies, it could mean a chance at a home
On a personal level, I tend to cringe at change. I am not sure how the new legislation will effect us since we have already done the bulk of our waiting (hopefully) though maybe it will allow us to adopt Uma in India itself rather than waiting until we get here. On the other hand, being at the tail end of our process could possibly mean more delays while things iron and straighten out. Who knows!?
Anyway, prayers are in order....so that the new legistation does make a positive difference in the lives of many children and their prospective families, and for us it either speeds things up, or makes the process easier, or at least doesn't make it delayed.
Below is an article which briefly explains the changes forthcoming.
CARA PROPOSES AMENDMENTS IN ADOPTION GUIDELINES
________________________________________
11:5 IST
Central Adoption Resource Agency (CARA), an autonomous body under the
Ministry of Women & Child Development has proposed amendments in guidelines
on adoption of Indian children without Parental Care. The draft of the
amended guidelines was submitted to Smt. Renuka Chowdhury, Minister for
Women and Child Development by Shri J.K. Mittal, Chairman, CARA here today.
Briefing about the salient feature of the guidelines, the Minister said
these would bring more transparency, accountability and streamlined the
adoption procedure. According to the proposed amendments, now the State
Governments shall register all CCIs (Child Care Institutions) in the State.
Cases of all orphan, abandoned and surrendered children shall be processed
as per Juvenile Justice Amendment Act, 2006, which will automatically see
more adoptions. The Act shall be applicable both in domestic and foreign
adoption in case of all children in need of care and protection (orphan,
abandoned and surrendered). In the case of inter-country adoption, children
leaving with adoption orders and conformity certificate from CARA shall
acquire automatic citizenship/nationality and enjoy more safeguards.
Single window system will be followed in case of sourcing of children for
inter-country adoption. All abandoned and surrendered children will now be
committed to adoption agencies and shall be declared legally free for
adoption by CWC after following due procedure.
Prospective adopters would be able to adopt a child from any part of the
country from registered agency. No child adoption agency can deny
registration of such Prospective Parents. For example, a couple from Kerala
working in North East can adopt without any hassle.
All applications for foreign adoptions shall be received at CARA for advance
approval. If foreign agencies/Central authorities have given a choice of a
particular Indian agency, it will be considered as far as possible,
otherwise CARA shall direct foreign agencies/central authorities to transmit
their proposal to such placed where more children are available for
inter-country adoption. This process will minimize the waiting period of
foreign parents and children in the institutions as well.
The draft guidelines will be circulated to the all concerned agencies and
put on with the website for comments so that it can be given the final shape
after a month.
NCJ/DT
http://pib.nic.in/release/release.asp?relid=29102
Jul 4, 2007
A Wonderful Video to Watch!
Click the below link to watch a beautiful and amazing adoption story.
Click here! This story is amazing! Check it out!!
Click here! This story is amazing! Check it out!!
Jul 3, 2007
Small Blessings
From “Small Blessings” an All God’s Children International Publication
I am waiting……somewhere far…far…away on the other side of the world.
I may not know who you are or what you look like,
But some how deep in my heart I know you are out there.
That one day you will come and find me.
It’s a long journey, and takes a lot of time...
I wish it could be easier.
But I know that the ones who come for me will not count the cost.
They will only see the joy in finding me.
For now I abide in the fields of the fatherless.
Day by day wondering why I was born here and not somewhere else?
Asking…why my life couldn’t have been different?
It is so lonely…
Even though I am surrounded by hundreds of other children,
I know that something is missing…I know in my heart I need a place to call home.
My arms long to be saved by a mother’s love…
Gazing out the orphanage window, I offer a prayer of hope,“Oh God please help them come quickly.”
Even as I lay in the darkness each night somehow I feel assured,
That no matter how lost I appear I am not alone.
Holy hands guard my steps; sacred fingers wipe away my tears, touching my lonely heart.
The One who made me,
The God that knew me before I was born,
Hears me every time I call.
He whispers His promises in my ear.
I listen with hope to His voice.
But what I worry about most is that no one is looking for me.
The fields are vast and there are so many scattered all over the earth.
I wonder how one little child, so lost can be found?
Yet He calms my heart and assures me that HE will find you.
That HE will make sure you hear His voice clearly.
He has promised me that HE will make a way through the fields,
That HE will personally cut a path, and lead you right to my orphanage door.
My prayer is…When He speaks… Please don’t forget to listen…
When He calls don’t be afraid to go
For I am waiting…somewhere, far…far…away
On the other side of the world
To come home.
I am waiting……somewhere far…far…away on the other side of the world.
I may not know who you are or what you look like,
But some how deep in my heart I know you are out there.
That one day you will come and find me.
It’s a long journey, and takes a lot of time...
I wish it could be easier.
But I know that the ones who come for me will not count the cost.
They will only see the joy in finding me.
For now I abide in the fields of the fatherless.
Day by day wondering why I was born here and not somewhere else?
Asking…why my life couldn’t have been different?
It is so lonely…
Even though I am surrounded by hundreds of other children,
I know that something is missing…I know in my heart I need a place to call home.
My arms long to be saved by a mother’s love…
Gazing out the orphanage window, I offer a prayer of hope,“Oh God please help them come quickly.”
Even as I lay in the darkness each night somehow I feel assured,
That no matter how lost I appear I am not alone.
Holy hands guard my steps; sacred fingers wipe away my tears, touching my lonely heart.
The One who made me,
The God that knew me before I was born,
Hears me every time I call.
He whispers His promises in my ear.
I listen with hope to His voice.
But what I worry about most is that no one is looking for me.
The fields are vast and there are so many scattered all over the earth.
I wonder how one little child, so lost can be found?
Yet He calms my heart and assures me that HE will find you.
That HE will make sure you hear His voice clearly.
He has promised me that HE will make a way through the fields,
That HE will personally cut a path, and lead you right to my orphanage door.
My prayer is…When He speaks… Please don’t forget to listen…
When He calls don’t be afraid to go
For I am waiting…somewhere, far…far…away
On the other side of the world
To come home.
Jul 1, 2007
Our Journey to Uma
Today is July 1, 2007. It was one year ago today that we were getting ready to send our completed dossier to our adoption agency so that we may adopt a child born whose gestation took place in our hearts over many years.
Unbeknownst to us at that same time, somewhere in North India, there was a woman who was very likely agonizing with a major decision. She had just given birth several months before, and for whatever her reasons, she would not be able to keep her baby.
On July 1, 2006 the woman made her decision. She wrapped her baby in a blanket and left her in a New Delhi train station, where she was picked up by the police. I do not know how long the baby laid there before she was taken in. The police took her to a local orphanage, where the caretakers there bathed her, fed her and gave her the name "Aakriti." They estimated her age to be three months from that date ,which then gave her the birthday of April 1, 2006.
This baby is the child who will be our daughter in this life time. Her name will be Uma Aakriti.
My journey to Uma began many, many years ago. As a child, my parents created a warm, happy home. Despite my father's difficult schedule in medical school and later as an intern, resident and fellow, we spent weekends together as a family. My parents would read to us at night, stories like Heidi, Oliver Twist, Annie of Green Gables, just to name a few. I remember feeling so deeply saddened at the thought that these children did not have loving parents like I did. I remember thinking, "When I grow up, I will become their mother!"
From about age seven and then my adulthood, almost every summer for over 20 years, my family and I would travel to a summer family camp. There was one family there who started as just a couple, and then year after year, there were additions to their family. The additions did not come as newborns, but as both toddlers and older children. They came from all over the world. I used to watch them playing together with the sheer joy that only children can express. There was a special joy in these children's faces. It was same joy that I knew my heart had, but perhaps took for granted -the joy of having a loving family. It touched me very deeply, even as a young child, to see these children, who once had been waiting for that special love of a family, now relishing in that love. I planted the seed in my heart that I too, would want to adopt children some day, and create a conscious family of love.
Adhipen, too, had the same dream born under different circumstances. Having been raised in India under the best of circumstances, with two loving parents and a sister, he too knew the joys of a loving family. Growing up in India, he constantly saw the large contrast of the poverty that his family did not know, with so many children either orphaned or sent out as beggars on the streets, with no chance of an education, let alone a future. He felt the pain at his own "luck" as compared to theirs. It was not guilt, rather it was sheer empathy. He knew very well, that with a twist of circumstance, he could be them. There really was no difference between them and him other than the circumstance of birth. This pain of their suffering etched very deeply in him and left him with the dream to adopt children and give them the opportunities that they otherwise would not know.
However, the largeness of the suffering that he was exposed to made him wish to do even more. While I was moved by my children's books, Adhipen felt moved on a larger scale because what he had seen was more than just in movies or books. He wept bitterly at the end of the movie, Schindler's List when Schindler received a ring to honor what he had done to help save the lives of Jews suffering in the Holocaust, and replied, "I could have saved one more life with this."
Hence, it became Adhipen's dream to also to make a change in the world so that perhaps a woman would have a different choice rather than have to give up her children or send them out to beg on the streets. It became his dream to create a larger solution to the hunger and suffering around him, not just in India, but worldwide. Hence, while we wait for our family of children to come to us, we simultaneously are working on the creation of Ariven Community and Amma's Sanctuary (you can read about this in the link section of this blog site: "Adhipen's Yoga Website"). This is my husband's larger dream, one which I am grateful and honored to be a part of.
The journey to Uma began with these sparks of desire and dreams within both of our hearts. When we met, we both agreed that as a couple, that someday, we would make our dream come to fruition.
The unfolding of action began in October 2005 and I began to research international adoption. I dreamed of her face in November 2005. There were many twists of fate that led us to the place where we were on July 1, 2006, finally getting ready to submit our dossier.
When all that we needed to do had been done, and we sent our final paperwork to the adoption agency, we sent it with the deep hope in our heart, and the faith that now that we had done the "footwork" mysterious working of a Higher force would bring our daughter home to us.
In March 2007, just a few days before Adhipen's birthday, we received the referral for the baby Aakriti. Those eyes and those lips were unmistakable! This was the baby's face of the little girl I had seen in my dream back in November of 2005. This was our daughter.
We went out to dinner with my family and brother Jason's family. We passed the picture and report around. The tiny face in the picture reached out to everyone. They all welcomed her to our family. My nephew Jaredan, age 8, asked me, "where do I sign to tell them that I want her to come?" Adhipen and I signed the referral acceptance in front of the portion of our family that lives in our proximity. The next day, we mailed in the paperwork via Federal Express. Now all we could do was to wait....that is the agonizing place we find ourselves today, July 1, 2007.
Our adoption agent says that we have received our NOC (which is the approval from the government department in India, CARA, that approves adoptions). Now we are just waiting in the backlog of the New Delhi courts. Our adoption agent is hoping (and we are praying!) that Uma Aakriti will be home by Thanksgiving, 2007. That would definitely give us so much to give thanks for!
And so I have begun this blog, to hopefully help make the wait a bit more bearable -to be able to post any inspirations, expressions of the heart and whatever love and prayers come in for us in the form of comments. In this day and age of the Internet, we are able to reach out to the world and have something there for the world, and hopefully, someday, for Uma to see.
I have spoken of the sparks of hope and desire that began so many years ago. Adopting children was something that we had planned on doing so as to give a better life to a child who already born on this earth. However, I also want to say that while we are hoping that adopting a child would be a "good deed" let it not go unsaid that the child will be also doing an even greater "good deed" for us, by gifting us the honor and blessing of coming into our lives, and having us be her parents and gifting us the joys of parenthood.
All souls must enter this life by means of birth, but not all souls are born into a home of the heart and of love. Some souls remain with the parents they are born to and find a loving home there. Some remain with those they were born to, but live with abuse and neglect and hence never do find that true home. Some souls are born from another womb, but find their true home somewhere else. Some never are able to find that home at all. Some souls are born into families that spilt, or were never together to begin with, and hence find their homes with two families rather than one. Some souls find their way to single parents only. Life has many paths for a young soul once it is born.
In my thinking, the souls that find each other as parents and children are truly the luckiest souls alive. However the children may find their way home in this life, whether through adoption, conception, or as part of a second marriage (stepchildren), both parents and children are being given perhaps life's greatest gift from the Divine: the gift of the love of family. Uma will be the beginning of our nuclear family, an extension of the love between Adhipen and me. She will truly be a gift to us, one that we will cherish for the rest of our lives, and one that we will be eternally grateful for receiving.
Unbeknownst to us at that same time, somewhere in North India, there was a woman who was very likely agonizing with a major decision. She had just given birth several months before, and for whatever her reasons, she would not be able to keep her baby.
On July 1, 2006 the woman made her decision. She wrapped her baby in a blanket and left her in a New Delhi train station, where she was picked up by the police. I do not know how long the baby laid there before she was taken in. The police took her to a local orphanage, where the caretakers there bathed her, fed her and gave her the name "Aakriti." They estimated her age to be three months from that date ,which then gave her the birthday of April 1, 2006.
This baby is the child who will be our daughter in this life time. Her name will be Uma Aakriti.
My journey to Uma began many, many years ago. As a child, my parents created a warm, happy home. Despite my father's difficult schedule in medical school and later as an intern, resident and fellow, we spent weekends together as a family. My parents would read to us at night, stories like Heidi, Oliver Twist, Annie of Green Gables, just to name a few. I remember feeling so deeply saddened at the thought that these children did not have loving parents like I did. I remember thinking, "When I grow up, I will become their mother!"
From about age seven and then my adulthood, almost every summer for over 20 years, my family and I would travel to a summer family camp. There was one family there who started as just a couple, and then year after year, there were additions to their family. The additions did not come as newborns, but as both toddlers and older children. They came from all over the world. I used to watch them playing together with the sheer joy that only children can express. There was a special joy in these children's faces. It was same joy that I knew my heart had, but perhaps took for granted -the joy of having a loving family. It touched me very deeply, even as a young child, to see these children, who once had been waiting for that special love of a family, now relishing in that love. I planted the seed in my heart that I too, would want to adopt children some day, and create a conscious family of love.
Adhipen, too, had the same dream born under different circumstances. Having been raised in India under the best of circumstances, with two loving parents and a sister, he too knew the joys of a loving family. Growing up in India, he constantly saw the large contrast of the poverty that his family did not know, with so many children either orphaned or sent out as beggars on the streets, with no chance of an education, let alone a future. He felt the pain at his own "luck" as compared to theirs. It was not guilt, rather it was sheer empathy. He knew very well, that with a twist of circumstance, he could be them. There really was no difference between them and him other than the circumstance of birth. This pain of their suffering etched very deeply in him and left him with the dream to adopt children and give them the opportunities that they otherwise would not know.
However, the largeness of the suffering that he was exposed to made him wish to do even more. While I was moved by my children's books, Adhipen felt moved on a larger scale because what he had seen was more than just in movies or books. He wept bitterly at the end of the movie, Schindler's List when Schindler received a ring to honor what he had done to help save the lives of Jews suffering in the Holocaust, and replied, "I could have saved one more life with this."
Hence, it became Adhipen's dream to also to make a change in the world so that perhaps a woman would have a different choice rather than have to give up her children or send them out to beg on the streets. It became his dream to create a larger solution to the hunger and suffering around him, not just in India, but worldwide. Hence, while we wait for our family of children to come to us, we simultaneously are working on the creation of Ariven Community and Amma's Sanctuary (you can read about this in the link section of this blog site: "Adhipen's Yoga Website"). This is my husband's larger dream, one which I am grateful and honored to be a part of.
The journey to Uma began with these sparks of desire and dreams within both of our hearts. When we met, we both agreed that as a couple, that someday, we would make our dream come to fruition.
The unfolding of action began in October 2005 and I began to research international adoption. I dreamed of her face in November 2005. There were many twists of fate that led us to the place where we were on July 1, 2006, finally getting ready to submit our dossier.
When all that we needed to do had been done, and we sent our final paperwork to the adoption agency, we sent it with the deep hope in our heart, and the faith that now that we had done the "footwork" mysterious working of a Higher force would bring our daughter home to us.
In March 2007, just a few days before Adhipen's birthday, we received the referral for the baby Aakriti. Those eyes and those lips were unmistakable! This was the baby's face of the little girl I had seen in my dream back in November of 2005. This was our daughter.
We went out to dinner with my family and brother Jason's family. We passed the picture and report around. The tiny face in the picture reached out to everyone. They all welcomed her to our family. My nephew Jaredan, age 8, asked me, "where do I sign to tell them that I want her to come?" Adhipen and I signed the referral acceptance in front of the portion of our family that lives in our proximity. The next day, we mailed in the paperwork via Federal Express. Now all we could do was to wait....that is the agonizing place we find ourselves today, July 1, 2007.
Our adoption agent says that we have received our NOC (which is the approval from the government department in India, CARA, that approves adoptions). Now we are just waiting in the backlog of the New Delhi courts. Our adoption agent is hoping (and we are praying!) that Uma Aakriti will be home by Thanksgiving, 2007. That would definitely give us so much to give thanks for!
And so I have begun this blog, to hopefully help make the wait a bit more bearable -to be able to post any inspirations, expressions of the heart and whatever love and prayers come in for us in the form of comments. In this day and age of the Internet, we are able to reach out to the world and have something there for the world, and hopefully, someday, for Uma to see.
I have spoken of the sparks of hope and desire that began so many years ago. Adopting children was something that we had planned on doing so as to give a better life to a child who already born on this earth. However, I also want to say that while we are hoping that adopting a child would be a "good deed" let it not go unsaid that the child will be also doing an even greater "good deed" for us, by gifting us the honor and blessing of coming into our lives, and having us be her parents and gifting us the joys of parenthood.
All souls must enter this life by means of birth, but not all souls are born into a home of the heart and of love. Some souls remain with the parents they are born to and find a loving home there. Some remain with those they were born to, but live with abuse and neglect and hence never do find that true home. Some souls are born from another womb, but find their true home somewhere else. Some never are able to find that home at all. Some souls are born into families that spilt, or were never together to begin with, and hence find their homes with two families rather than one. Some souls find their way to single parents only. Life has many paths for a young soul once it is born.
In my thinking, the souls that find each other as parents and children are truly the luckiest souls alive. However the children may find their way home in this life, whether through adoption, conception, or as part of a second marriage (stepchildren), both parents and children are being given perhaps life's greatest gift from the Divine: the gift of the love of family. Uma will be the beginning of our nuclear family, an extension of the love between Adhipen and me. She will truly be a gift to us, one that we will cherish for the rest of our lives, and one that we will be eternally grateful for receiving.
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