Uma has been blessed with the love of Anne, who has been looking after her and showering her with attention and affection. Today, another angel entered her life, though, thankfully, it only needed to be for a brief encounter. That angel is Dr. Amit Singal.
Dr. Amit (as we have been calling him) left his busy job at government hospital (and Adhipen says that the goverment hosipital MDs are the best because of the numbers of cases they see on a daily basis) which was far from Uma's orphanage to go and examine her on our behalf. He had to go during his working hours, though originally he preferred to go on Sunday, his day off, because the orphanage rules were that he could only go between 9-5 on weekdays. He accomodated to their rules and went yesterday (our last night). He refused to take any payment from us. He felt it was his "duty" because Uma is an orphan and because we are adopting her.
Dr. Amit found Uma Aakriti to be in good health with all milestones met for her age except for speech. He said that to have one milestone unmet was not a concern. He also found her to be malnourished with a protein deficiency. She does not have alopecia (hair loss in patches) but her hair is thin and lacks luster, probably due to being malnourished. Though he did not look at the past medical records, her weight /height was only slightly under the norm for her age, and so he was not concerned about it.
Dr. Amit said that she was responsive to him, smiled and made eye contact and was able to run and even climb the stairs with some help (and even without help when she was determined to go visit Anne as per Anne's last e-mail to us :))
We were very relieved by Dr. Amit's report, and very grateful to him for his kindness and his humanity. He is what I would consider a true healer! We will always consider him one of Uma's angels. :)
Oct 19, 2007
Oct 11, 2007
Life Line Cut! :((((
Yesterday we received a devastating mail from Anne telling us that she no longer would be able to communicate with us. I had told our adoption agency about our concerns regarding Aakriti's emotional health during the time that Aakriti was pulling away from Anne. Since she has Failure to Thrive syndrome, and that can lead to cognitive damage, when she reacted this way towards Anne, we all, including Anne, became extremely worried.
Our agency expressed their concern to the orphanage who in turn got extremely angry at Anne for communicating with us. Apparently she is not supposed to speak to anyone outside of the orphanage about business within the orphanage, including and especially parents. I suppose that this is to keep problems from arising, which can happen when emotions are high (and they are about as high as they can get when you are waiting for your child and are powerless to do anything).
We are extremely sad about it because we were so enjoying the communication, not just because Anne is such a wonderful person, but also because she really was giving us a picture of what our little girl was like.
On Monday, we had received a wonderful mail from Anne telling us that Aakriti was doing well and that she and Anne had been spending alot of time together. Anne told us that Aakriti had gone from her second floor quarters up to the third floor, where Anne's bedroom is, and when Anne opened the door to go out, she was surprised to find our little Aakriti standing there waiting for her! Adhipen and I were so touched by this story. It made our whole day.
There is no doubt that we will miss our correspondence with Anne immensely! I used to leave my computer on at night just so that I could wake up early and check to see if Anne had written. She made our wait somewhat bearable giving us a beautiful light to look forward to, and now we are left in the dark again.
We were planning with Anne to get blankets for every child in the orphanage. We were also going to get each child's name sewn into it, so that he/she would have something that he/she owned by name and could cuddle up with at night. Anne had obtained permission from her superior and we were going to start a campaign whereby everyone we knew could donate one blanket. It would have been fun, and something wonderful to do. Now I do not know how to go about doing it without her. :(((
Really, we are extremely sad. I have tears in my eyes as I write this :(((((
Our agency expressed their concern to the orphanage who in turn got extremely angry at Anne for communicating with us. Apparently she is not supposed to speak to anyone outside of the orphanage about business within the orphanage, including and especially parents. I suppose that this is to keep problems from arising, which can happen when emotions are high (and they are about as high as they can get when you are waiting for your child and are powerless to do anything).
We are extremely sad about it because we were so enjoying the communication, not just because Anne is such a wonderful person, but also because she really was giving us a picture of what our little girl was like.
On Monday, we had received a wonderful mail from Anne telling us that Aakriti was doing well and that she and Anne had been spending alot of time together. Anne told us that Aakriti had gone from her second floor quarters up to the third floor, where Anne's bedroom is, and when Anne opened the door to go out, she was surprised to find our little Aakriti standing there waiting for her! Adhipen and I were so touched by this story. It made our whole day.
There is no doubt that we will miss our correspondence with Anne immensely! I used to leave my computer on at night just so that I could wake up early and check to see if Anne had written. She made our wait somewhat bearable giving us a beautiful light to look forward to, and now we are left in the dark again.
We were planning with Anne to get blankets for every child in the orphanage. We were also going to get each child's name sewn into it, so that he/she would have something that he/she owned by name and could cuddle up with at night. Anne had obtained permission from her superior and we were going to start a campaign whereby everyone we knew could donate one blanket. It would have been fun, and something wonderful to do. Now I do not know how to go about doing it without her. :(((
Really, we are extremely sad. I have tears in my eyes as I write this :(((((
Oct 7, 2007
Getting to Know You....
The children at the orphange are extremely, extremely blessed to have a wonderful person like Anne who is there to love them, play with them and offer them gentleness, kindness and stimulation in the form of playing, loving touch, singing and music. There is no question that she will make a tremendous impact on their lives.
However, she is also a blessing for us as parents. Not only is she providing invaluable attention to our child, but she is a voice for us so that we may get to know our child before we even get to hold her in our arms. Through her mails, I am already getting to know my little girl.
I had written her some questions about Uma Aakriti and from her answers, we can begin to know our child. I will refer to her as Aakriti in this post since that is what she is called now, and that the the name Anne knows her by.
It seems that Aakriti makes alot of eye contact with Anne, both when she is happy and she is sad. When she is feeling happy, she looks at Anne and when Anne looks back, Aakriti gives her a sweet smile.
None of the children have toys of their own. When Anne comes, she takes the toys out to play with them with the children. All of the children like to listen to music and when she plays the radio, Aakriti likes to dance a little to the music. I can only imagine how cute that must look! With no toys to play with on her own, Aakriti has very cleverly made a toy out of a little chair that she moves around and then climbs up on.
When Ann is there, she takes out Legos and all of the children, including Aakriti, really like to play with them. Aakriti especially likes the Lego toys that are animal figures and she holds them and looks at them alot. She also likes to look at what the older children are doing and playing and imitate them. One time, Anne was playing some acrobatic games with an older girl. When she was done, Aakriti came to her, took Anne's hands and placed her feet on Anne's legs just like the older girl had done.
Aakriti loves to have her belly tickled and she loves to be held and danced with. She is definitely in the right family when it comes to dance! There will be no shortage of that for her with me!! :)
Apparently Aakriti also loves chocolate. If she its it on her own, she literally gets it all over herself. A bath in chocolate...hmmmm....definitely something her Uncle Jason would relate to, and unfortunately for me (I am into healthy eating), between her daddy and grammy, confired chocoholics, I think that she will be well taken care of in the chocolate department, at least behind my back!
In addition to tickling, she loves other sensory games like having her neck puffed on (this is what they are playing in the video). And Anne says that Aakriti is really happy when someone talks to her and shows her things. She also likes to play chase with the other children, as long as no one runs her down. She doesn't like that too much, but then who would? :)
If Aakriti gets upset or is sad, Anne sings a song for her to calm her down and it does calm her. I thinks that Aakriti really like music and singing. I bet she will even like Grammy's singing! That is one of the great things about being a grandma. Grammy's grandkids don't realize it when she sings the songs wrong! They just feel the love that she is singing with, and that makes the music for them (for those of you reading who don't know this, Grammy is quite tone deaf).
Though at 18 months, Aakriti is not talking, she does make baby sounds such as "tha, him, de" and so on, so she is trying. Anne feels that alot of the children in the orphanage have developmental delays because they are not getting the love and security of having their own family.
Anne has been speaking English to Aakriti since she knows that Aakriti will be coming to California.
Aakriti knows her name well and responds to it when she is called. So we will very slowly and gently be transitioning her into the name Uma. I just can't imagine how it would be to have your entire world turned upside down, even your name! We will definitely be getting the guidance of a therpist and/or parenting coach to help us make the changes lovingly and sensitively.
She does not have her own bed and sleeps whereever with the other children. I wonder if she has to struggle for a space at times? This, then, will call for sensitivity too. As per Indian tradition, and the parenting style of attachment therapy (as well as advice from other adoptive parents), Aakriti will sleep with us. However, I think that I will also get her her own bed that we will sidecar next to our bed so that she knows that she has her own bed too, if she wants to be there.
Anne was so very kind to take the time to write to us in detail to help us know our daughter. After reading her mail, I had this feeling that I had been starving and she just gave me a satisfying meal. The only problem is that now I am hungry for more!
This truely is for me, the most difficult part of the entire adoption journey. We are so close and yet so far. Thanks to this Divine being Anne, the waiting can be a bit more bearable.
However, she is also a blessing for us as parents. Not only is she providing invaluable attention to our child, but she is a voice for us so that we may get to know our child before we even get to hold her in our arms. Through her mails, I am already getting to know my little girl.
I had written her some questions about Uma Aakriti and from her answers, we can begin to know our child. I will refer to her as Aakriti in this post since that is what she is called now, and that the the name Anne knows her by.
It seems that Aakriti makes alot of eye contact with Anne, both when she is happy and she is sad. When she is feeling happy, she looks at Anne and when Anne looks back, Aakriti gives her a sweet smile.
None of the children have toys of their own. When Anne comes, she takes the toys out to play with them with the children. All of the children like to listen to music and when she plays the radio, Aakriti likes to dance a little to the music. I can only imagine how cute that must look! With no toys to play with on her own, Aakriti has very cleverly made a toy out of a little chair that she moves around and then climbs up on.
When Ann is there, she takes out Legos and all of the children, including Aakriti, really like to play with them. Aakriti especially likes the Lego toys that are animal figures and she holds them and looks at them alot. She also likes to look at what the older children are doing and playing and imitate them. One time, Anne was playing some acrobatic games with an older girl. When she was done, Aakriti came to her, took Anne's hands and placed her feet on Anne's legs just like the older girl had done.
Aakriti loves to have her belly tickled and she loves to be held and danced with. She is definitely in the right family when it comes to dance! There will be no shortage of that for her with me!! :)
Apparently Aakriti also loves chocolate. If she its it on her own, she literally gets it all over herself. A bath in chocolate...hmmmm....definitely something her Uncle Jason would relate to, and unfortunately for me (I am into healthy eating), between her daddy and grammy, confired chocoholics, I think that she will be well taken care of in the chocolate department, at least behind my back!
In addition to tickling, she loves other sensory games like having her neck puffed on (this is what they are playing in the video). And Anne says that Aakriti is really happy when someone talks to her and shows her things. She also likes to play chase with the other children, as long as no one runs her down. She doesn't like that too much, but then who would? :)
If Aakriti gets upset or is sad, Anne sings a song for her to calm her down and it does calm her. I thinks that Aakriti really like music and singing. I bet she will even like Grammy's singing! That is one of the great things about being a grandma. Grammy's grandkids don't realize it when she sings the songs wrong! They just feel the love that she is singing with, and that makes the music for them (for those of you reading who don't know this, Grammy is quite tone deaf).
Though at 18 months, Aakriti is not talking, she does make baby sounds such as "tha, him, de" and so on, so she is trying. Anne feels that alot of the children in the orphanage have developmental delays because they are not getting the love and security of having their own family.
Anne has been speaking English to Aakriti since she knows that Aakriti will be coming to California.
Aakriti knows her name well and responds to it when she is called. So we will very slowly and gently be transitioning her into the name Uma. I just can't imagine how it would be to have your entire world turned upside down, even your name! We will definitely be getting the guidance of a therpist and/or parenting coach to help us make the changes lovingly and sensitively.
She does not have her own bed and sleeps whereever with the other children. I wonder if she has to struggle for a space at times? This, then, will call for sensitivity too. As per Indian tradition, and the parenting style of attachment therapy (as well as advice from other adoptive parents), Aakriti will sleep with us. However, I think that I will also get her her own bed that we will sidecar next to our bed so that she knows that she has her own bed too, if she wants to be there.
Anne was so very kind to take the time to write to us in detail to help us know our daughter. After reading her mail, I had this feeling that I had been starving and she just gave me a satisfying meal. The only problem is that now I am hungry for more!
This truely is for me, the most difficult part of the entire adoption journey. We are so close and yet so far. Thanks to this Divine being Anne, the waiting can be a bit more bearable.
Oct 4, 2007
Doing Our Homework Now
After Adhipen returned from India, we got some mails from Anne reporting that Aakriti's physical and emotional state had worsened. She even began to withdrawn from Anne and would bite and pinch her to get away. Anne was so upset! So were we!
It seems now, that she has calmed down with Anne, and hopefully that will last, but it really pointed out the need for us to do something now with regard to getting more tools on attachment issues with children who have undergone trauma or who have been in institutions.
I have begun to read some books about it, and we are searching out a therapist who can counsel us on how best to approach Aakriti so as not to futher traumatize her by the intense change of leaving the orphanage and coming to the US with us. I found a wonderful website (see the link center) that has been a rich resource for me.
An extremely kind person named Shilpa, has offered to teach me some Hindi words that we can say to Uma to help her feel more comfortable with us in the beginning. So nowI can say a few things in Hindi. :) My dear friend Neha, who speaks mainly Gugarati, said I had a great accent! :) Adhipen could not understand a word, but then he speaks Tamil.
We have decided not to keep calling the lawyer. He is starting to get annoyed with us. Instead, we will just call our adoption agency once a week and pray for progress in the courts. In the meantime, doing this homework to get ready for Uma's homecoming does help.
It seems now, that she has calmed down with Anne, and hopefully that will last, but it really pointed out the need for us to do something now with regard to getting more tools on attachment issues with children who have undergone trauma or who have been in institutions.
I have begun to read some books about it, and we are searching out a therapist who can counsel us on how best to approach Aakriti so as not to futher traumatize her by the intense change of leaving the orphanage and coming to the US with us. I found a wonderful website (see the link center) that has been a rich resource for me.
An extremely kind person named Shilpa, has offered to teach me some Hindi words that we can say to Uma to help her feel more comfortable with us in the beginning. So nowI can say a few things in Hindi. :) My dear friend Neha, who speaks mainly Gugarati, said I had a great accent! :) Adhipen could not understand a word, but then he speaks Tamil.
We have decided not to keep calling the lawyer. He is starting to get annoyed with us. Instead, we will just call our adoption agency once a week and pray for progress in the courts. In the meantime, doing this homework to get ready for Uma's homecoming does help.
Sep 28, 2007
Photo Album!
Adhipen brought back about 40 photos, so now we have our first photo album! I am posting a few here, but it was really hard to decide. The teddy bear I had sent was just not interesting to her, but she really liked the teether I sent for
Uma Aakriti really loved playing with the ball. That is good because Ishana left a great soccer b
all here that we can play with!
Sep 27, 2007
Lots of Love!
After reading my two blogs on Adhipen's trip, alot of people got back to me via e-mail feeling really bad for him! I felt bad for him too, but really was not surprised by Uma's response. I put a post out about it on Ichild (an India adoption yahoo group that I have been a member of for about two years now) and I got an overwhelming amount of responses full of love, reassurances and sharing of similar experiences.
One thing that was really clear from most of the posts is that it is extremely important to allow the child to grieve. The orphanage has been her home. She has attachments there, not to mention her attachment to that being the only life she has known. It is natural and healthy to grieve, and I am expecting that we will go through alot of grief with her. I am already sensing her to be a very sensitive child (and Anne says that she is).
Adhipen said that some people in the orphanage told him that Uma is like this -she cries alot. Anne says that this was not true - that Uma was happy until she got put in with the older children and then she became sad. It is also possible that her response towards Adhipen was not just fear but also, in part, a both a continuation of the grief felt by an abandoned child, as well as the beginning of the grief she will experience at being taken away from the life she has grown comfortable with. They had told her that this was "her daddy." She definitely must have been sensing change with his presence and not really knowing what "daddy" meant, but knowing that he was something to her must have felt confusing and scary.
I wanted to post one of the replies I got to my ichild query. It is short (whereas many were quite long and detailed) but more or less summarizes everyone's experiences. So here it is:
This discussion is bringing back so many memories.... Our daughter screamed for almost an entire day straight when she realized that we were the only ones with her and her foster family was nowhere to be found. I remember telling myself as she was screaming in my ear "this is good, b/c it meansthat she was attached to them." But it was still hard, especially b/c with our first child there was an instant connection. I felt so guilty b/c I did not have that with our daughter. Two years later, we are about as normal as a family with a 4 and 2 year old can be :-) I like how someone called it our birth/delivery...there is pain in that experience, but just like adoption, always worth it.
Kristan
One thing that was really clear from most of the posts is that it is extremely important to allow the child to grieve. The orphanage has been her home. She has attachments there, not to mention her attachment to that being the only life she has known. It is natural and healthy to grieve, and I am expecting that we will go through alot of grief with her. I am already sensing her to be a very sensitive child (and Anne says that she is).
Adhipen said that some people in the orphanage told him that Uma is like this -she cries alot. Anne says that this was not true - that Uma was happy until she got put in with the older children and then she became sad. It is also possible that her response towards Adhipen was not just fear but also, in part, a both a continuation of the grief felt by an abandoned child, as well as the beginning of the grief she will experience at being taken away from the life she has grown comfortable with. They had told her that this was "her daddy." She definitely must have been sensing change with his presence and not really knowing what "daddy" meant, but knowing that he was something to her must have felt confusing and scary.
I wanted to post one of the replies I got to my ichild query. It is short (whereas many were quite long and detailed) but more or less summarizes everyone's experiences. So here it is:
This discussion is bringing back so many memories.... Our daughter screamed for almost an entire day straight when she realized that we were the only ones with her and her foster family was nowhere to be found. I remember telling myself as she was screaming in my ear "this is good, b/c it meansthat she was attached to them." But it was still hard, especially b/c with our first child there was an instant connection. I felt so guilty b/c I did not have that with our daughter. Two years later, we are about as normal as a family with a 4 and 2 year old can be :-) I like how someone called it our birth/delivery...there is pain in that experience, but just like adoption, always worth it.
Kristan
From Auntie Corinne
I spoke to a friend of mine who adopted a boy from a Romanian orphanage at age 3 about 7 years ago. I mentioned what happened with Uma and he assured me that she will be fine just a few months after her arrival. He says they get so distracted by all the attention and colorful toys, etc. that largely their trauma slips away. She might have night mares and some expected frustration and confusion at first, but he says his son adjusted fairly quickly to the new life (also not knowing any English). Ultimately, they feel their son will ALWAYS have a space in his heart that cannot be filled due to his unusual early life experiences (left in cribs for years then put into a big communal room with all aged kids with very little personal attention, etc..), but no more than any child who's been through a major transition in early life like a divorce, a death or a big move away to a new country or whatever. Uma will be won over by all the love and welcoming she will get here and you will probably see that she will be happy here very soon.Having two boys with such unique temperaments, I have learned that things that comfort Jaredan often upset Kanan and vice, versa. Uma might just be a child who gets scared initially around men or new people. But ultimately our nature is to welcome parental love. Nello came into my life after a very traumatic divorce (and my real father took care of me while my mom worked and then was suddenly gone) and won me over right away. However if you speak to my family members, they all remember me as a MAJOR cry baby, scared of everything and very clingy to my babysitters (always wanting to be held and carried around). At the age of 5, my mom said I was suddenly "cured" by becoming a professional child actress and I never cried again until I was 25! So who says what is healthy or not. Children cry for a multitude of reasons and we all need to be prepared for it and accept that any child forced into a new environment will react at first. Remember how Jaredan would cry when you came over when he was a baby 'cuz he knew that meant we were going out? But he now considers you his closest aunt from those experiences even if you recall it being tough to deal with when he cried like that. If a child is emotional and strong willed, they will cry for hours. My belief is that you are saving Uma from a very sad and hard life and bringing her into a very loving family that ANY child would be so lucky to have. Whatever her temperament is, you can only be there for her to soothe her pain and accept her unique style at processing stress, which is all any of us can do for each other.
Sep 21, 2007
Adhipen Sweating Bullets!
Adhipen had his second day with Uma (whom he now refers to only as Aakriti since that is her name right now). Again she cried and cried in his presence. He sat there for hours with her while she cried and cried. When the person who feeds her would come into the room, she would stop and start munching on some cookies that she had in her hand. As soon as the person left, Uma would start to wail again. She would not even accept chocolate from him this time.
At one point I called and as soon as he answered the phone, I could hear her screaming and sobbing. I felt just heart broken for them both! Adhipen said that he literally was sweating bullets! He did not know what to do. I told him just to keep his distance, not try to hold her so as to scare her more, but just stay with her. So this is what he did all day long.
She had her lunch and let him feed her alittle (though mostly cried if he tried) and she did take some chocolate from him after lunch. When she went down for her nap, he took a much needed break, but came back in the afternoon for more of the same.
Then suddenly, as if an angel was appearing, a woman entered. All of the children, including our Aakriti, went running up to her jumping up and pulling on her legs. She was like the pied piper with a woman's face! This woman, Anne, is a student from Denmark and she had come to India to volunteer at the orphanage. She came almost every day after lunch and spent the rest of the day playing with the children and rendering them much needed hugs. She would be there until December, and then planned to go back to Denmark.
Once Anne came, Aakriti was calm and happy. Adhipen even got to see her smile and laugh (and got pictures!). She made lots of eye contact with Anne (we were worried about the lack of eye contact). The rest of the afternoon was blissful for Adhipen, though the baby still was very wary of him.
When the day was over, Adhipen invited Anne to dinner. He called me on the phone so I could speak to her. She spoke perfect English. She told me that Aakriti was the most sensitive child in the orphange. She said that everyday she would worry about Aakriti and what would eventually happen to her. When Anne saw that we were going to adopt her, she was absolutely thrilled! Anne said that when Aakriti was in the baby's ward, she was much happier. Then, as soon as she began to walk, she was moved down with the older children and from there she started to deteriorate. She became extremely sad and has not put on any weight since, though she seems to have a decent appetite. The sadness and the gauntness does show in the 2nd set of pictures we received. We contacted our adoption agency about it and he told us that there was a heat wave at the time the photos were taken and that is why she looked so unhappy. This was probably true, but Anne said that this unhappiness has continued in her since she was moved. Maybe there was someone who she was attached to whom she no longer sees much, or maybe she was given more attention in the other ward, whatever it is, she seems to be slowly going downhill, and so we are really, really praying that we can get her out soon!
It is clear that she will need OT and speech therapy since at 17 months, Anne said that she is only still babbling and has no words at all, even in Hindi. Maybe it is becasuse she has no one to call, "Mama." Whatever it is, our little one is going to need lots and lots of love and care, and Adhipen and I will be ever so happy and grateful to be able to give it to her.
At one point I called and as soon as he answered the phone, I could hear her screaming and sobbing. I felt just heart broken for them both! Adhipen said that he literally was sweating bullets! He did not know what to do. I told him just to keep his distance, not try to hold her so as to scare her more, but just stay with her. So this is what he did all day long.
She had her lunch and let him feed her alittle (though mostly cried if he tried) and she did take some chocolate from him after lunch. When she went down for her nap, he took a much needed break, but came back in the afternoon for more of the same.
Then suddenly, as if an angel was appearing, a woman entered. All of the children, including our Aakriti, went running up to her jumping up and pulling on her legs. She was like the pied piper with a woman's face! This woman, Anne, is a student from Denmark and she had come to India to volunteer at the orphanage. She came almost every day after lunch and spent the rest of the day playing with the children and rendering them much needed hugs. She would be there until December, and then planned to go back to Denmark.
Once Anne came, Aakriti was calm and happy. Adhipen even got to see her smile and laugh (and got pictures!). She made lots of eye contact with Anne (we were worried about the lack of eye contact). The rest of the afternoon was blissful for Adhipen, though the baby still was very wary of him.
When the day was over, Adhipen invited Anne to dinner. He called me on the phone so I could speak to her. She spoke perfect English. She told me that Aakriti was the most sensitive child in the orphange. She said that everyday she would worry about Aakriti and what would eventually happen to her. When Anne saw that we were going to adopt her, she was absolutely thrilled! Anne said that when Aakriti was in the baby's ward, she was much happier. Then, as soon as she began to walk, she was moved down with the older children and from there she started to deteriorate. She became extremely sad and has not put on any weight since, though she seems to have a decent appetite. The sadness and the gauntness does show in the 2nd set of pictures we received. We contacted our adoption agency about it and he told us that there was a heat wave at the time the photos were taken and that is why she looked so unhappy. This was probably true, but Anne said that this unhappiness has continued in her since she was moved. Maybe there was someone who she was attached to whom she no longer sees much, or maybe she was given more attention in the other ward, whatever it is, she seems to be slowly going downhill, and so we are really, really praying that we can get her out soon!
It is clear that she will need OT and speech therapy since at 17 months, Anne said that she is only still babbling and has no words at all, even in Hindi. Maybe it is becasuse she has no one to call, "Mama." Whatever it is, our little one is going to need lots and lots of love and care, and Adhipen and I will be ever so happy and grateful to be able to give it to her.
Sep 19, 2007
Poor Baby!
Adhipen met Uma for the first time yesterday. She literally screamed her head off in fear at the sight of him!
Her caretakers had been telling her that this was her daddy, so she must have been extra wary wondering who this strange man speaking some foreign gibberish actually was. She would not let him near her without a serious fit! He took her out to the garden and she did calm down after a while while he carried her. But she did not respond at all as he showed her the things in the garden and the people from the orphanage shouted out to her from the window, but she did not even turn her head. She just sat frozen.
At one point, he called me on the phone (he was able to rent a cell phone there that can call international - it is great!). She was sitting quietly. However as soon as he started to speak to me in English, she got frightened again and started crying and crying inconsolably. He tried to comfort her, but in English, of course, and this frightened her even more.
The orphanage had them go outside in the hot New Delhi sun for their "getting to know each other time" so she was not even in known territory. Adhipen said that he felt so badly for her. They just sat in silence for over an hour. She made no eye contact or smiled. She did eat her lunch well and she really seemed to like the teething toy that I had sent for her. I had also sent an extremely soft teddy bear, but she was completely disinterested in that. It might as well have been a brick! She did break her ignoring of Adhipen to take some chocolate from him (in that she will fit into the family really well!). He felt guilty giving it to her, but it was a way of connecting.
She is frail and thin as are many children in an orphanage, so after he left, he went to the store and got her some protein drink for children (he had it when he was a child) and some Chavymparash, his favorite ayurvedic remedy (it is an ayurvedic jam that tastes terrible but is amazingly effective) for picking up the immune system and strengthening the digestion. It is the India version of Cod liver oil. I hope in his wildest dreams he does not try to give it to her or she will probably associate him with the terrible tasting jam and be even more afraid! Chocolate will definitely be a better option, though not in terms of providing the health benefits.
He will be going today and plans to spend the whole day there. I will update more later. By the way, according to the orphanage, the court date is set for the 28th, not the 20th. :( Hopefully, Adhipen will be able to contact the lawyer overseeing our case to find out for certain.
On a different note, he is staying at a wonderful Bed and Breakfast. It was about a third of the price of the other hotels in Delhi and it is owned by a wonderful couple who are literally treating him like family. They picked him up at the airport and arranged his cell phone for him (rental is $5 per week). They also got him a car and driver (about $25 per day, everything included)whose sole job is to take Adhipen wherever he wants, whenever he wants and to wait for him when he wants to leave. The meals are home cooked, and Adhipen says that it is some of the best Indian food he has ever had. The owner's wife was actually on channel 4 discussing her cooking! Here is the website: http://www.delhibedandbreakfast.com/
Her caretakers had been telling her that this was her daddy, so she must have been extra wary wondering who this strange man speaking some foreign gibberish actually was. She would not let him near her without a serious fit! He took her out to the garden and she did calm down after a while while he carried her. But she did not respond at all as he showed her the things in the garden and the people from the orphanage shouted out to her from the window, but she did not even turn her head. She just sat frozen.
At one point, he called me on the phone (he was able to rent a cell phone there that can call international - it is great!). She was sitting quietly. However as soon as he started to speak to me in English, she got frightened again and started crying and crying inconsolably. He tried to comfort her, but in English, of course, and this frightened her even more.
The orphanage had them go outside in the hot New Delhi sun for their "getting to know each other time" so she was not even in known territory. Adhipen said that he felt so badly for her. They just sat in silence for over an hour. She made no eye contact or smiled. She did eat her lunch well and she really seemed to like the teething toy that I had sent for her. I had also sent an extremely soft teddy bear, but she was completely disinterested in that. It might as well have been a brick! She did break her ignoring of Adhipen to take some chocolate from him (in that she will fit into the family really well!). He felt guilty giving it to her, but it was a way of connecting.
She is frail and thin as are many children in an orphanage, so after he left, he went to the store and got her some protein drink for children (he had it when he was a child) and some Chavymparash, his favorite ayurvedic remedy (it is an ayurvedic jam that tastes terrible but is amazingly effective) for picking up the immune system and strengthening the digestion. It is the India version of Cod liver oil. I hope in his wildest dreams he does not try to give it to her or she will probably associate him with the terrible tasting jam and be even more afraid! Chocolate will definitely be a better option, though not in terms of providing the health benefits.
He will be going today and plans to spend the whole day there. I will update more later. By the way, according to the orphanage, the court date is set for the 28th, not the 20th. :( Hopefully, Adhipen will be able to contact the lawyer overseeing our case to find out for certain.
On a different note, he is staying at a wonderful Bed and Breakfast. It was about a third of the price of the other hotels in Delhi and it is owned by a wonderful couple who are literally treating him like family. They picked him up at the airport and arranged his cell phone for him (rental is $5 per week). They also got him a car and driver (about $25 per day, everything included)whose sole job is to take Adhipen wherever he wants, whenever he wants and to wait for him when he wants to leave. The meals are home cooked, and Adhipen says that it is some of the best Indian food he has ever had. The owner's wife was actually on channel 4 discussing her cooking! Here is the website: http://www.delhibedandbreakfast.com/
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