Today is the first day when I have been able to sit down and update. Uma is taking a nap after a lovely outing with Daddy and me. Adhipen took the afternoon off to take us out. Uma was really excited about it and kept pointing to him and smiling at me as if to say, "hey, looks who is with us today!"
There really alot to update on how Uma is growing and changing each day. I will try to just hit the highlights...
The thing I had been worried about since the time we returned with Uma has come...my returning to work. I had postponed it one month as I was supposed to go back originally on Feb 12, but Uma was just not ready. One month later, though I feel she could have used another month, I felt she could handle it, and so I bit the bullet and went back on March 11. I only work on Tuesdays and Saturdays, but even two days is alot for us right now. My parents take care of her on Tuedays, and she has a loving and caring nanny, Berta, who comes to take care of her on Saturdays. Berta is also the nanny for Debbie, who I share office space with at work, so it feels like she is already "in the family," since I consider Oasis (the healing center where I work), and the people who work there my second family. :)
Uma does cry for a very short while when I leave, but for both my parents and for Berta, Uma is an absolute angel! She never complains to have her diaper or clothes changed, lets them wash her face and hands with no fuss whatsoever, and goes down for her nap as soon as they put her in the bed. At my parents' when she wakes up, she actually waits for my mother to come get her (my mother has a monitor, so she can tell when Uma is awake). She eats every morsel of food that they give her and goes "ca ca" on the toilet. She does everything she is told, and does not fuss, tantrum or say her favorite word, which is "no." . Needless to say, this is not the Uma I get to see everyday, but my mother says that this is a good sign - that Uma feels secure enough with us to be a true two year old! With them, she is a two year old going on 10.
While she handles the day amazingly, she does have a melt down or two with me in the evening and/or the next day. She runs to me with sheer joy when I come home, but then later, she begins to remember that she is angry with me for leaving her, and lets me know it! Each progressive day, however, she gets better about it, especially as she is coming to trust that I do come back.
Uma has started to say some words, which has really made life a bit easier for us both. In addition to a very clear "no," which she says while she also points and shakes her finger, "no," she can now, at least, nod her head "yes." This makes it so much easier to ask her what she is needing...jacket, water, food, etc. She also says "up"and "down" so she does not need to whine as much when she wants to be picked up or have something opened for her. She understands alot, and so in general, it is so much easier to communicate and get things done.
Uma and I have been doing a Mommy and Me class on Monday mornings, which Uma really enjoys. She especially likes the art section and takes alot of pride in her work. I love to display her art work on the fridge and point it out to her periodically, and she smiles with pride, remembering who make the artwork. I especially love the class because they taught us the "clean up" song, which I now sing anytime I want Uma to put away her toys. Since she learned to do it in class, she now does it with as much alacrity as she does class. That alone, for me, made the class worthwhile!
Recently, Uma was approved for the Regional Center. This is a government paid program, called "Early Start Intervention," that focuses on making sure that all children under the age of three are brought to age level and given services that they need so that by the time they enter preschool, they are able to function well. I had learned about the Regional Center through one of the mom's yahoo groups and so I submitted our application almost as soon as we got off the plane in January. Uma will be receiving speech therapy two times a week, and yesterday I took her for an evaluation for occupational therapy. The therapist told me that she was going to recommend OT for Uma, as well as some other things. So it looks like Uma will be doing some sort of therapy every single day of the week for the next year! While it may seem like a heavy schedule, it will be really a good investment of time and it will benefit Uma for years to come. There will still be plenty of time for play in the park and lots of Mommy time too (I get to attend the therapies with her).
My mother and sisters-in-law, Corinne and Nicole, threw us a toddler shower a few weeks ago. Uma now has a wardrobe that can match Suri Cruise! I have yet to write the thank you notes, but am hoping to squeeze in some time this weekend during breaks at work. There were about 40 people there with all eyes on Uma. None of us could believe how well behaved and patient she was with the whole thing. Once I started opening the gifts and she got her hands on the baby stroller and doll that our friend, Sylvia, gave her, she was entertained for the rest of the time. To this day, we take her "baby" out for a stroll at least three afternoons a week. She just loves it!
Our big upcoming excitement is that Uma's sister, Ishana (Adhipen's daughter and my stepdaughter) will be coming to see Uma on April 5th. She will be here two weeks for her spring holiday. We are all extremely excited! Jaredan is concerned that Uma will "like" Ishana more than him because Ishana is a girl. Still, he will also be glad to see her. For Adhipen, it will be something really special to have his two "princesses" together with him. I am a bit tormented about all of Uma's therapies, my work, etc., and whether we should miss , or some of it, for this special time or not, but I keep telling myself that I will worry about it later....somehow it will all fall into place.
Uma had her full check up with her pediatrician who gave her a 100% bill of health. She told me that she thought Uma's teeth were extraordinarily good, but for all the yogurt Uma eats (plain yogurt is Uma's ice cream!) I was not surprised!
Uma is an amazing climber! She is courageous and experiences sheer joy when she accomplishes a task that was difficult. There is not a slide at any park we have gone to that Uma has not mastered! Some of them are quite high, and I stand behind her, ready to catch her if she slips as she climbs bars meant for much older children. But she is sure footed and strong and she makes it up over and over again. When she is done with all of her other therapy and the like, I will definitely put her in gymnastics class. She is absolutely talented!
Uma loves to listen to and watch Tamil dance scenes. She loves it so much that I allow her to watch the dance DVDs that I have whenever we are driving in the car (we have a special DVD player for her just for this purpose). When Adhipen's parents come, I will ask them to bring some Baratha Natyam DVDs for Uma. What is particularly interesting is that Uma seems to prefer the Tamil. Whenever I put on the Hindi movie/dance DVDs she seems disinterested. Who knows?! I am going to start playing some belly dance DVDs for her to see if that appeals. She and I definitely share the love of Tamil music/dance. I wonder if she and I will share that other love of mine?
We all cannot believe what an amazing and deep spirit Uma is. She is extraordinarly intelligent, extremely present and alert, and for all she has been through, she is an extremely happy baby. Sometimes she laughs with a joy that literally causes the room to light up with sunlight! When Adhipen plays spirtual music, she often goes into some sort of estatic state, with her eyes closed, swaying her body and clapping her hands with a big smile on her face. Othertimes, she starts to spin and spin, just like a whirling Dervish, which Adhipen and I are now convinced, was probably one of this very old soul's experiences. She especially loves Adhipen's music, "Cave of the Siddhars." She and Adhipen have connected through the listening and dancing to spiritual music in a very special way.
Each day we come to know each other more and more. At this point, only a few months later, I actually cannot remember my life as it was without her.
Mar 21, 2008
Mar 3, 2008
More Photos!
It is just past midnight, and so I missed the mark for March 2, but I wanted to post these. It is two months that we have been with Uma, as of March 2. Each day I am so grateful that she is in our life and I awe at how we found each other. She is so much our daughter!
Mar 1, 2008
Trip Up North
Uma and I went to Northern CA last week, and I have not yet had a chance to post about it.
It always astounds me how Uma seems to know what is going on. She saw the packed bags, and I did tell her we were taking a trip, and boy, she really got it! She was extremely excited and kept reaching out to hold my hand throughout the drive. I got a nice crick in my shoulder from all the reaching back, but it was totally worth it!
She was just wonderful on the long (about 6 hours each way) car rides. She barely slept. I guess she was just too excited!
First we met her Malar Atay ("Aunt Malar" in Tamil), Adhipen's sister. Uma took to Malar right away. Part of Malar's secret was that she gave Uma pizza, and in doing so, she unknowingly became Uma's good friend immediately!
What I was really surprised about was how Uma also took to her Krishna Mama ("Uncle Krishna" in Tamil). She immediately was taken with him and played with him. Even sitting next to us, something about him really calmed her, and she sat on my lap quietly hugging me for about a half hour. Normally she is a real" squirmy wormy" and won't sit hugging for more than a minute, so this was definitely significant. Uma met her Krishna Mama on Saturday at a brunch that Nicole held. I was thinking that it was because Krishna is dark skinned and clean shaven, and so he looks familiar to her, but Malar says that he is a virtual pied piper with children and that was what it was. Whatever it was, it was a first for Uma, as far as I had ever seen!
Uma also really loved her cousin Aidan. Aidan is very athletic, and unbeknownst to me, Uma is actually quite athletic herself. He played football with her, and basketball (ala nerf style) and she just loved it! So much so that I went to target and bought her the same nerf football and basketball set that Aidan had. She liked to just "hang out" with him and even copied him when he played the piano. It was so adorable! What is interesting is that she has not seemed as interested in the football or basketball since the trip, so I actually think it was her cousin, and not the activities, that had her especially enchanted.
One of the days, one my my mother's dearest friends, Louise, came to see Uma with her daugher, Devora (who I remember going to visit when she was born) and Devora's one year old daughter, Sonia. The children played together (sort of) as best that children that age can.
Uma also really bonded with her Auntie Nicole and so thankfully, Nicole could take care of her while I was packing to go. That was a huge help!!
Uma was more hesitant with her Uncle Craig, being a man, and gave him her typical response that she does with men, including her dad: somewhat of a cold shoulder, but at the same time interest.
One day, for no reason whatsoever, Uma began to cry and hold me whenever Craig came in the room. Craig felt really bad, and I was nonplussed. I could not figure out what had elicited this reaction, which was exactly like the reaction she had to Adhipen the first time she met him in the orphanage. At first I would comfort her when it happened, but when I did, something in me did not feel good about it. Part of me was thinking, "this is a baby, she can't help herself," and the other part of me was thinking, "she needs to be taught that this is not an appropriate reaction, and I am not doing the proper teaching here." Finally the latter won out, and I decided to see if I could do something about the behavior. It was really a risk because if she did not understand, then I would feel guilty that I had confused her rather than comfort her if she was truly scared. Also, I was afraid of suppressing her feelings. Still, I felt uncomfortable with her reaction and even if it was genuine fear, I decided to follow my intuitive feeling about it, and see if I could change what was going on. I decided to treat her reaction like I do any behavior that I want to change...do a "time in" (which I call a "time out" to her) with Uma. (As an aside, our form of "time out," what I call, "time in," is my secluding myself with Uma, sitting her down, doing "holding" if she starts to tantrum, and otherwise gently continuing to sit her down if she gets up. I explain why we are doing a time out, and then I let her "cry" as long as she needs to while I sit next to her, sometimes patting her back if she will let me. When the crying has dulled to a certain point, I reach out my arms to her and, if she is done, she will crawl into them and we will hug. I tell her I love her and reassure her that she is a "good girl" and then we go back to "redo" whatever the behavior was that we were doing the time out for. I only do "time in" when Uma has done a behavior that she can then repeat correctly when we are done - I don't do it just for the sake of "punishment.")
When Craig came into the room again and she started her crying, he was about to run out and I this time I told him not to. I told Uma that this was her Uncle and that we were going to have to do a time out if she continued to act this way towards him. She kept crying so I took her back to our room and sat her on the bed. As usual with a "time in", she tried to get up and I kept sitting her down and telling her that we were doing a time out. She started to cry again, as she does not like to be told that she has to do anything that she does not want to (like sitting when she wants to go). I then told her that we would not go back into the house until she calmed herself down and could act properly towards her Uncle. I then validated her fear and told her that being afraid of people she did not know was all right and I do understand when she is afraid why she is afraid. I talked about this for a while. Then I told her that when she sees me kiss someone that this means that the person is someone she need not be afraid of. I explained that her Uncle loves me and he loves her too and it is not right to behave this way towards someone who loves us.
Half of my mind was wondering if she had a clue what I was saying, but she did calm down. We then hugged, as we do after every "time in", and I can tell by the way she hugs and if she makes eye contact after that, if she is really done. She was finished, and so we went back to the kitchen where Craig was. As soon as we entered the room, Uma smiled at him and sat down to eat her dinner. He sat across from her and they smiled at each other the whole time. There was never a problem after that, and by the end of the trip, Uma was playing with him and even sat on his lap a few times.
I realized after incident that that Uma really does understand alot more than I give her credit for. I have since been talking to her clearly and as if she understands everything. I don't know if she does or she doesn't, but I am doing it anyway.
We both had a wonderful time up North. It was a short but really memorable four days. My birthday was on Sunday, and I was so delighted to have been able to spend it with Craig, who I hardly ever see on my birthday. It was really special in so many ways.
It always astounds me how Uma seems to know what is going on. She saw the packed bags, and I did tell her we were taking a trip, and boy, she really got it! She was extremely excited and kept reaching out to hold my hand throughout the drive. I got a nice crick in my shoulder from all the reaching back, but it was totally worth it!
She was just wonderful on the long (about 6 hours each way) car rides. She barely slept. I guess she was just too excited!
First we met her Malar Atay ("Aunt Malar" in Tamil), Adhipen's sister. Uma took to Malar right away. Part of Malar's secret was that she gave Uma pizza, and in doing so, she unknowingly became Uma's good friend immediately!
What I was really surprised about was how Uma also took to her Krishna Mama ("Uncle Krishna" in Tamil). She immediately was taken with him and played with him. Even sitting next to us, something about him really calmed her, and she sat on my lap quietly hugging me for about a half hour. Normally she is a real" squirmy wormy" and won't sit hugging for more than a minute, so this was definitely significant. Uma met her Krishna Mama on Saturday at a brunch that Nicole held. I was thinking that it was because Krishna is dark skinned and clean shaven, and so he looks familiar to her, but Malar says that he is a virtual pied piper with children and that was what it was. Whatever it was, it was a first for Uma, as far as I had ever seen!
Uma also really loved her cousin Aidan. Aidan is very athletic, and unbeknownst to me, Uma is actually quite athletic herself. He played football with her, and basketball (ala nerf style) and she just loved it! So much so that I went to target and bought her the same nerf football and basketball set that Aidan had. She liked to just "hang out" with him and even copied him when he played the piano. It was so adorable! What is interesting is that she has not seemed as interested in the football or basketball since the trip, so I actually think it was her cousin, and not the activities, that had her especially enchanted.
One of the days, one my my mother's dearest friends, Louise, came to see Uma with her daugher, Devora (who I remember going to visit when she was born) and Devora's one year old daughter, Sonia. The children played together (sort of) as best that children that age can.
Uma also really bonded with her Auntie Nicole and so thankfully, Nicole could take care of her while I was packing to go. That was a huge help!!
Uma was more hesitant with her Uncle Craig, being a man, and gave him her typical response that she does with men, including her dad: somewhat of a cold shoulder, but at the same time interest.
One day, for no reason whatsoever, Uma began to cry and hold me whenever Craig came in the room. Craig felt really bad, and I was nonplussed. I could not figure out what had elicited this reaction, which was exactly like the reaction she had to Adhipen the first time she met him in the orphanage. At first I would comfort her when it happened, but when I did, something in me did not feel good about it. Part of me was thinking, "this is a baby, she can't help herself," and the other part of me was thinking, "she needs to be taught that this is not an appropriate reaction, and I am not doing the proper teaching here." Finally the latter won out, and I decided to see if I could do something about the behavior. It was really a risk because if she did not understand, then I would feel guilty that I had confused her rather than comfort her if she was truly scared. Also, I was afraid of suppressing her feelings. Still, I felt uncomfortable with her reaction and even if it was genuine fear, I decided to follow my intuitive feeling about it, and see if I could change what was going on. I decided to treat her reaction like I do any behavior that I want to change...do a "time in" (which I call a "time out" to her) with Uma. (As an aside, our form of "time out," what I call, "time in," is my secluding myself with Uma, sitting her down, doing "holding" if she starts to tantrum, and otherwise gently continuing to sit her down if she gets up. I explain why we are doing a time out, and then I let her "cry" as long as she needs to while I sit next to her, sometimes patting her back if she will let me. When the crying has dulled to a certain point, I reach out my arms to her and, if she is done, she will crawl into them and we will hug. I tell her I love her and reassure her that she is a "good girl" and then we go back to "redo" whatever the behavior was that we were doing the time out for. I only do "time in" when Uma has done a behavior that she can then repeat correctly when we are done - I don't do it just for the sake of "punishment.")
When Craig came into the room again and she started her crying, he was about to run out and I this time I told him not to. I told Uma that this was her Uncle and that we were going to have to do a time out if she continued to act this way towards him. She kept crying so I took her back to our room and sat her on the bed. As usual with a "time in", she tried to get up and I kept sitting her down and telling her that we were doing a time out. She started to cry again, as she does not like to be told that she has to do anything that she does not want to (like sitting when she wants to go). I then told her that we would not go back into the house until she calmed herself down and could act properly towards her Uncle. I then validated her fear and told her that being afraid of people she did not know was all right and I do understand when she is afraid why she is afraid. I talked about this for a while. Then I told her that when she sees me kiss someone that this means that the person is someone she need not be afraid of. I explained that her Uncle loves me and he loves her too and it is not right to behave this way towards someone who loves us.
Half of my mind was wondering if she had a clue what I was saying, but she did calm down. We then hugged, as we do after every "time in", and I can tell by the way she hugs and if she makes eye contact after that, if she is really done. She was finished, and so we went back to the kitchen where Craig was. As soon as we entered the room, Uma smiled at him and sat down to eat her dinner. He sat across from her and they smiled at each other the whole time. There was never a problem after that, and by the end of the trip, Uma was playing with him and even sat on his lap a few times.
I realized after incident that that Uma really does understand alot more than I give her credit for. I have since been talking to her clearly and as if she understands everything. I don't know if she does or she doesn't, but I am doing it anyway.
We both had a wonderful time up North. It was a short but really memorable four days. My birthday was on Sunday, and I was so delighted to have been able to spend it with Craig, who I hardly ever see on my birthday. It was really special in so many ways.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
